How to Hold Space for Pain Without Breaking + Meditation

There is a quiet exhaustion that comes from caring deeply — especially when you’re the one others lean on.

In this episode, I explore what it truly means to hold space for pain without losing yourself in it.

Many of us are empaths, caregivers, parents, therapists, leaders, or simply deeply compassionate human beings. And while our capacity to care is a gift, it can also become a source of burnout, emotional fatigue, and self-abandonment when we don’t know where we end and others begin.

In this conversation, I gently unpack the difference between empathy and over-identification, why the urge to fix often comes from our own discomfort with pain, and how presence can be far more healing than solutions. We also explore the importance of emotional boundaries — not as walls, but as a way to stay connected without breaking.

This episode includes a grounding, restorative meditation to help you reconnect with your center, replenish your nervous system, and remember that you are allowed to care without collapsing.

You don’t have to carry what was never yours.

You are allowed to be present and protected at the same time.

With love,
Dr. Evette Rose 🌿

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Intentions
• 0:57 The Challenge Of Holding Space
• 2:27 Empathy Vs Over‑Identification
• 3:15 The Urge To Fix And Rescue
• 5:43 Compassion Fatigue And Limits
• 8:28 Boundaries And Early Red Flags
• 10:33 Mindful Listening Over Solutions
• 12:13 Validation And Emotional Presence
• 13:46 Guided Healing Meditation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to Heal Within. With me here, Dr. Evette Rose, trauma therapist and also creator of Metaphysical Anatomy Technique. And this podcast is your safe place to explore emotional healing, nervous system repair, and also deep inner transformation. And if you're ready to go deeper and you would like to also be supported in your healing journey, you can always book a one-on-one session with me or with one of my certified metapsychology coaching practitioners. Or you can also join one of our upcoming live healing events, workshops, and also retreats at metaphysicalanatomy.com. And now let's begin our journey back to wholeness. One breath and one breakthrough at a time. And today's episode is so important. Whether it's for you, whether it's maybe you're a caretaker, you are a parent, you you work in person development, or you you you are um you are an employee, you work somewhere. I want to talk about how do we hold space without breaking ourselves. This is something that I see so much in people who are empaths, people who are seeing a loved one going through a really, really tough and challenging time. And of course, we want to help. I I can understand that. And sometimes it's tough to be that support, to help someone, and not sometimes feel their pain or or get dragged or pulled into whatever it is that's going on in their life. And I'm gonna share with you a few very powerful learning curves that I went through myself. You know, now even working as you know a therapist full-time, and what I do is help people. This is, I love it, and I'm loving it even more now that I'm able to understand the difference between my pain versus someone else's pain and holding someone else's pain. There's a really big difference between empathy versus over-identification. You see, when we feel real true empathy for someone else, this is when we we try to understand someone else's feelings without taking on the weight of their emotional burden or trauma as our own. Because if two people are now feeling one person's pain, it's a little bit harder to be of support to that person, right? Because now you yourself are struggling. Because when we start to over-identify with someone else's pain, it really can drain your energy. And this can then, on another point, cause secondary or vicarious trauma. And this makes you less effective now in supporting people. And what I learned through that process as well is I don't know if you can relate, but how do you find yourself responding when someone comes to you and they have um they have a problem and we want to solve? Oh, but have you thought of this? Oh, but have you tried that? Oh, but what what what what? Sometimes what a person needs is presence. And being present when someone is in a state of distress, we want to rescue, we want to help. We feel inadequate trying to just be present, right? Well, at least I did. I felt inadequate. I'm like, come on away, do something, say something, right? Figure it out, figure out a solution. Let that person's pain go away. You see, there's such a strong impulse to fix someone's pain. And often this is coming really truly from our own discomfort with that person's suffering. And we try to lessen the our discomfort by trying to solve their problem. And sometimes someone stepping in and fixing a problem is not always necessarily what that person needs. You see, holding space involves resisting this urge and just simply being a non-judgmental presence, which which can actually sometimes be more healing for a person who's going through a state of distress. When a person is going through a state of distress, they're not in learning mode. They're not in learning mode, they're not ready necessarily to receive information and data that that of course it can help them. But if they are in a state of fight and flight or in a state of distress, to try to get through to them with solutions, they might not receive it. And it's not because they don't value it, it's not because they don't care. They're not in the right frame of mind to receive it. And something else that I deeply struggled with myself in the beginning of my career when, you know, 17 years ago when I started working with people, is I struggled with compassion fatigue. Because this constant weight that I was carrying trying to solve people's problems, thinking, how do I figure this out? How do I get them to live their best life? And if I can't find a solution, or if I can't find um what is the next step supposed to be or going to be, good grief, the inadequacy, who I could I needed to escape this inadequacy, and so I was constantly thinking, you know, going back, how do I fix it? How can I help? And you know, and and so forth, and and my thoughts would spiral. And this would just really dig deep into my feelings of unworthiness, right? Now, coming back to compassion fatigue, repeated exposure that we have right to trauma and the stress of other people, this can also now lead to compassion fatigue. That's really what it is, and this can cause a lot of emotional exhaustion, so much numbness, and this strong diminished ability to emphasize, right? Because really what we want is to protect our mental health, because this is vital for sustainable caregiving roles. It's it's incredibly important. Holding someone else's pain is not going to lessen it for that person. They can even see it or feel it. They are blissfully unaware of it because their focus is on them, their focus is on helping themselves. It's dealing with the danger and the threats that their nervous system is sensing and feeling. They are blissfully unaware of what you are going through. Keep that in mind. Keep that in mind. And I've had people say, yes, Ived, I know that, but at least I feel like I'm doing something. Doing something for who? For who? Who's receiving that stress and weight that you are carrying? Who's receiving that? Think about it. You see, holding space for someone, right? Holding space for others without collapsing or or burning out or uh breaking at the same time. What I had to learn was to become more sensitive to where my limitations were. Because when you can understand your emotional boundaries and you can start to recognize them when you are, especially when you're running on empty, or even before you can get to that point, that would be great, right? Recognizing that those tiny, tiny little red flags before the flax becomes really, really big. And acknowledging that you just cannot pour from every single cup that you have. You cannot pour all those cups empty. You cannot. As an example, when I would start to feel myself tensing up, you know, it's almost like you can feel or you can feel that strong desire, wanting to rescue another person. Pause and check in with yourself. And then remind yourself to be present without abandoning your emotional safety. This was important for me and one that I failed several times until I really got it. It took it took me a while. It was not an overnight process. I will I will not lie. You see, so I really had to learn how to practice mindfulness listening, to not just hear, oh, there's a problem, what do I do? And then glazing over everything else that the person is saying. Right? We're looking for where where can I be useful, where can I be of service, where can I feel like I'm I'm I have a purpose. So it's about our inadequacy sometimes, not always, sometimes. So I've learned to really truly just take a step back, take a deep breath, and give my full attention when I'm listening to someone. I was trying more now to listen to understand rather than trying to fix. Because the problem well defined, a problem well understood, is a problem that can now be resolved in a really great way. Because now we'll understand what's needed in order to create a solution. Right? So this is where listening it's incredibly powerful. Instead of thinking in the first sentence that the person drops, trying to formulate a response. That doesn't work. So I I often, when I when I talk to people, I'm constantly repeating back what I heard them say. And not just to show engagement, but for me to know that I'm listening, I'm staying on top of what's being said rather than me getting caught up and trying to figure out well, what's the next solution? What is the next step after that? And what also can already be incredibly helpful for someone that's going through a really hard time is to validate their feelings. Just simple, non-judgmental phrases like that sounds incredibly hard, or I'm really sorry that you're going through this. This shows that you actually accept their feelings as valid and that you're not trying to make them feel wrong for what they're feeling or making them feel shameful for what they're experiencing. You know, for people in the first place to say how they feel, that's that's that in itself is really hard. It's really hard. I mean, how easy is it for you to say to someone that you're not okay? Right? So, and it might be easy for you, but for the next person, it might be, you know, they would have to be in a lot of pain before they even speak, if they even do. And that's important to understand. There there needs to be quite a deep appreciation for the trauma and the distress that it it it can put a person through to just to just speak. And something that I found for a lot of people that's invaluable is actually just presence. Because so many people are surrounded by other people who are emotionally unavailable. They can't listen. They don't understand, they can't be present, and so this can already be such an incredibly powerful, powerful way forward for someone who's going through a lot of feelings of distress. Beautiful. And so now, as with all my podcasts, all my episodes, but at least most, I would love to take you through a healing meditation. And when you are ready, I invite you now to start by taking a nice deep breath. Very good. And now, just noticing there as you're breathing, imagine a warm light expanding in your chest. This is your center, this is your emotional boundary, and also that place where compassion comes from without losing yourself. And remember that holding space it does not mean carrying someone else's pain. It means witnessing without absorbing. And notice now how your breath moves in and out in a very gentle, steady, soft, graceful way, and allowing your breath now to remind you that you can be present without drowning in someone else's stress. And I invite you now to place a gentle hand on your heart or your stomach wherever you feel you would like to place it, or on both. Feel the warmth beneath the palm of your hands, and quietly repeat to yourself: I can care without collapsing. I can support without sacrificing myself. I can witness without absorbing. Feel these words settle into your body. Imagine a soft boundary, almost like a warm, glowing bubble surrounding you. It's not a wall, but a boundary of discernment. It's almost like a gentle energetic membrane that just allows you to stay connected while still protecting your emotional and energetic safety, allowing your next breath to be deeper, and as you exhale, release the pressure to fix others' pain. You're not required to rescue, you are not required to carry. Just breathe. Breathe and let go of the weight that was never yours. Now imagine a warm light flowing into you with every inhale, replenishing you, nourishing you, and filling your cup again. And with each exhale, releasing exhaustion, release overwhelm, release anything that is no longer yours to hold. Feel your body soften. Feel the space inside of you expanding. Gently feel your strength returning, not through effort, but through gentle permission to just be.