Heal Within with Dr. Evette Rose

Breaking the Responsibility Trap + Meditation

Dr. Evette Rose Season 15 Episode 15

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Do you ever feel like responsibility is slowly weighing you down — no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough? You may be carrying more than what’s truly yours.

In this episode, I explore what really happens beneath the surface when responsibility turns from empowerment into a quiet trap. From childhood conditioning to subconscious patterns and nervous system responses, we’ll uncover why letting go can feel so hard — and how to find your way back to clarity and freedom.

To support this shift, I’ll also guide you through a gentle meditation to help you release what no longer belongs to you and reclaim your energy with ease and compassion.

✨ One breath. One step. One breakthrough at a time.

With love,
Dr. Evette Rose

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Heal Within. Here with me, Dr. Yvette Rose, trauma therapist and also creator of Metaphysical Anatomy Technique. And this podcast is your safe space to explore emotional healing, nervous system repair, and also deep inner transformation. And if you are ready to go deeper and you would like to be supported in your journey, you can always book a one-on-one session with me or with any of my certified metapsychology coaching practitioners. And also join our upcoming live healing events, workshops, retreats at metaphysicalanatomy.com. And now let's begin your journey back to wholeness, one breath and one breakthrough at a time. Let me start by asking you a question. Do you ever feel almost like responsibility is just crushing you? No matter how much you do? You see, today we're going to break down what responsibility really means and why it feels so heavy and how burnout happens when we actually confuse what's ours to carry and what is not. Can you already start to relate? Maybe not by pinpointing specific moments, but there's already a feeling of resonance. Let's dive right first of all into defining responsibility. So when we look at the traditional view, it's almost like it feels like this heavy, like a burden, and at least for me, almost like a punishment. But the true definition is it's a response-ability. And that means the ability to respond consciously. So taking responsibility also actually means it equals inner freedom, empowerment, and also conscious choice. Now, without responsibility, we can feel that we constantly stay stuck in a state of reactivity, meaning we feel that things are happening and we are always just reacting to it. Now, subconscious patterns that can start to come forward as a result of perhaps maybe maybe it could be due to unresolved childhood wounds. It can be feeling responsible for a parent's happiness and often being blamed as a child. This can actually lead to this long, lifelong over-responsibility, feeling responsible for people's happiness, feeling responsible for their well-being, and throwing all our energy, all our power, basically, into these dynamics to help other people thrive. Because when they're happy, when they're thriving, that is when we can maybe sometimes, not all cases, but in most cases, have the attachment and the connection that we are looking for. Is it necessarily the attachment that you really truly want? Probably not. But as a child, we normally take what we can get. And this often also sets the barometer for how much we give and how little we become used to receiving in return. And this also has a direct impact on our self-esteem. And then also our ability to know and understand where's our threshold, where's our limitations, what are our boundaries? All these extras, such as boundaries, self-esteem, kind of takes the back seat. Because what is most important is to be able to attach. So during these very vulnerable years, a lot of associations are being formed. And something that I never really truly appreciated until I really got it. You know that feeling when someone keeps saying something, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I I hear you, right? Yeah. But then another day comes and someone says the same thing, and it's like it just hits a different way, and you feel like, now I get it. This is a moment that I myself have been through as well. I completely, completely understand it, of course, from my perspective, how responsibility was to consciously choose and to have the ability how we would like to respond. But now the challenge is it's much easier to respond when we know what our boundaries are and when we know where our self-esteem is. What is our relationship to that? What will we accept? What will we not accept? That is when we can start to respond with a more stronger, resilient, healthier response rather than from a wounded response. People who have issues and challenges with boundaries, they can still say no. But it could maybe be that knee-jerk reaction, you feel really angry. How dare you even ask? No, I'm not going to do that. No, get out. Right? It almost has this feeling of that extra offense or feeling hurt even by someone suggesting something or overstepping your boundary. But we're going to touch a little bit more on that closer to the end. The biggest challenge that we often have with responsibility is actually our associations with it. Normally, in most cases, people and what I when I work with my clients and students, what I see is a lot of strong associations that's tied to responsibility and feeling blame. Tied to responsibility or feeling, for example, punishment. Now, it's normally that inner voice for me personally when I'm faced with a situation where I feel, should I take responsibility? Should I react? Should I should I get involved? There's always that little voice, should I? Should I take responsibility for someone else's stress? Should I take responsibility for someone else's problems? When am I actually overstepping perhaps their boundary by trying to take responsibility? You see, there's this such a fine line when we start to look at responsibility. In our mind, we're trying to be useful, we're trying to bring value to someone else's experience. But often our need for that value or that to needing to support someone to feel that we we have worth translates into taking responsibility. And for someone else who's on the receiving end of that, they might see that or that could potentially translate as maybe us interfering, or maybe they they love the fact that we're stepping in and they just go, oh, perfect, can you can handle that? Brilliant, I'm gonna take a step back. And either way, it's disempowering both people if it's done with the wrong motivation. So if we take responsibility for someone else's challenges, it could potentially disempower them because that person might not be learning and understanding how to step up in life in a certain way. So, in future, if the same thing happens again and you are not there to help, are they going to step up to the plate or are they going to wait for someone else to save them? Now, granted, this is not applying to every situation. Granted, there are circumstances where sometimes stepping in and supporting and helping someone or maybe taking responsibility to a certain extent is the appropriate step to take. I get that. That this is when we now start to take that step back, especially when you are in doubt. Because there's a reason why you are in doubt. Should I or shouldn't I? Is it a fear? Or is it maybe your intuition speaking to you, indicating to you and telling you maybe we should allow that person to go through that and be a facilitator rather than taking over, rather than taking the burden. Maybe we can guide them, maybe we can give advice, maybe we can just be the compassionate witness for them to lean on while they go through certain experiences. You see, when we often can subconsciously use taking responsibility for someone else as a way often even to avoid dealing with our own challenges in our life. You see, sometimes taking responsibility can also be an escape. As hard as tough as it sometimes feels, I'm burdened, you know, I don't want to, you know, carry all your stuff. Well, what would you have to do instead that you maybe don't want to do if you were not carrying that baggage? Are there stones in your backpack that you maybe don't want to look at or pick up? You see, this is where responsibility, it can it can be quite a messy topic to unpack. Because the reason why we take responsibility is fundamental to understand. Because those underlying drivers is what's going to indicate to you whether it's healthy, whether you need to take a step back, whether maybe there's something in your own life maybe that's going on that we don't feel resourceful to tackle or address or deal with, and carrying someone else's burden feels safer than looking at ours, right? So, and and I'm saying that I'm speaking openly because let's be honest, I think in most cases, maybe not all, I mean think I think a lot of us have probably stepped into that, into that trap, and I definitely have. And what I also notice with responsibility, apart from these underlying drivers, it can also be a very cultural family conditioning, right? Being tied to being responsible, always having to help, always needing to save the other person, right? So we always have these groups and dynamics where drama thrives. There's always a problem, there's always a crisis, there's always someone that needs to be safe, there's always, you know, there's always something happening. So when we look at why we fear responsibility, more so responsibility taking, you know, responsibility for our lives. It's much easier to take responsibility for someone else's, right? Because again, I just I can't put enough emphasis on this. It's that it's those past associations of responsibility that can sometimes come with that blame. It comes with that punishment. And I know for me, taking responsibility for other people's stress or strain often was an indirect reflection and fear that I had of stepping into my own personal power. And I know my experience with that was feelings of defensiveness, anger, um, avoidance of responsibility, and being easy. It was just easier to just give that energy away to someone else's struggles because it would it helped me to feel more detached from mine. So let's tap on what emotions do we attach responsibility to? Because these are a lot of the underlying driving factors that I would like to touch on that we already briefly started to gently introduce in our conversation. The first one that I see a lot is positive. It's positive. I mean, there's pride, there's empowerment, there's freedom, there's a maybe a sense of accomplishment. Now that's the aftermath of taking responsibility. But it still is not necessarily the deep-rooted cause as to why we responded in that way. So this is what often can mask taking responsibility because it releases maybe endorphins. We feel good, it's dopamine. So is it really truly good or is it bad? Even though it makes you feel good, it doesn't mean that the underlying driving factors are healthy. That's really important to remember. Then we have the negative flip side, right? We feel guilt, we feel shame, we feel resentment, we feel anger, we can, we can even feel overwhelmed. And when we take responsibility, something that I and then that I myself have experienced and I see a lot in in people that I work with is fear of making the wrong decision. You know, that paralysis and then that burnout. Should I, shouldn't I, is this the right thing? Should I get involved? You know, whether it's someone else's life or even with your own, right? At some point it can trigger overwhelm. It can trigger, am I giving too much? And if I am, have I now already set the standard and the limit of how much I give? How do I backtrack from that? So it can have a lot of boomerang effects. And then over time, responsibility can also maybe flip from feeling empowering to something that you now just want to avoid. So it can really jump in these different directions. Now, how do we get ourselves into this? This is that reactivity versus the conscious choice that we already started talking about earlier, right? So there's two modes of living. One is that reactive mode, which is automatic, it's emotionally driven, it's um, and often it's also because of we are repeating learned patterns. And then the conscious choice is when we feel calm, there's deliberate intent, we are also guided by a clear sense of awareness and also guided by our values. Does it feel good? Does it feel bad? Does it feel wrong? Does it feel right? Because reactivity will always bring chaos, conflict, and burnout. So if you're taking responsibility and you find that that is your pattern, then most likely it could be possibly are you coming from a reactive place instead of a conscious choice? Because conscious choice is feeling that freedom within that responsibility. You feel clarity, you feel that this is a healthy dynamic, right? It feels good. Because if not, there's going to be burnout and there's going to be confusion as to what is ours and what is not. And before we know it, we we are living in other people's lives. Because burnout always comes in linear with responsibility. Because when we take too much responsibility without boundaries, you're going to feel exhaustion at some point. Because if you don't have clear boundaries within your responsibility roles, how are you going to recognize where your threshold is? Exhaustion should not be your threshold. That's damage control. Now you're in damage control mode, right? You want to catch that point before you hit that point and moment of exhaustion. Because when we find ourselves constantly in that repeated space, this is when we start to also form these negative associations with taking responsibility because responsibility feels exhausting, it feels bad, it feels chaotic, it feels conflicting. I don't want this, I feel trapped. And so these associations can then follow us in other areas where we might have to show up with responsibility for ourselves or maybe for kids or in certain responsibility roles that you might have in certain careers or relationship dynamics. And it can start to feel, well, I don't like this environment. This doesn't make me feel good. And sometimes it's not necessarily the environment. Not in all cases is it the environment's fault or someone else that might make you feel responsible. It could potentially be the relationship that you have with responsibility that's now being brought into a new dynamic. And so this is where we start to swing from feeling over-responsible to feeling avoidant and just really checked out, exhausted. It could be that that sudden, you know, moment where you quit a job, that sudden knee-jerk reaction when you leave a relationship, where you give up on projects maybe out of exhaustion. So this is where healthy responsibility really truly means knowing your limits, setting boundaries, and choosing consciously. Because consciousness and awareness is fundamental. Let's unpack that a little bit because consciousness equals our core self. It's not just our thoughts, it's not just our imagination, it's our core sense of self, how we identify with ourselves, our awareness of the I in I am. And when we look at these emotions, these thoughts and these sensations, they are all tools. They are tools like hammers and useful when needed, but they don't have to be carried 24-7. And when we start to suppress these emotions, when we don't allow them to flow, when we don't allow these emotions to surface and to be hurt, this is when we can start to feel illness, stress, burnout. This is when we fail to understand and notice when we are overstepping our own boundary in terms of how much responsibility we are taking. So what we want is to feel that freedom, that space where you can pause, that space where you can build awareness in relationship to how do I feel, where you can build awareness in relationship to your values in this dynamic that you are taking responsibility, and then choosing consciously, and not from a place of obligation or pressure, because that already can make you understand and realize well, is this a projected responsibility that I'm now accepting, or is this really a truthful matter that that needs my support? And am I willing to take that responsibility? So let's look at the neuroscience of responsibility, and when we start to get overwhelmed with it, we all know that I'm mygdala, it was it it can actually start to interpret responsibility as danger. It associates responsibility with fear and with hypervigilance. And then we have our prefrontal cortex. Remember, this part now handles the our planning, decision making. Now, this can become very fatigued under that constant responsibility, that brain fog, poor decision making. So that's where we can start to become maybe a little bit more reactive rather than staying consciously connected to the ability to consciously choose and make a decision. Then we have the anterior cingulate cortex. Now, this monitors mistakes and errors, right? So if this is overactive, this is where we start to criticize ourselves a lot more and quite unnecessarily. And then we have stress hormones that's being released: cortisol, adrenaline, all this prolonged responsibility burdens that we're carrying, it's going to throw any person in a fight and flight response. That defensiveness, that feeling that things are chaotic, things are all over the place. You can't quite get your structure. And our default mode network replaces our past failures. So that's why responsibility can feel endless. Even when you rest, it still feels like it's endless. It's like it's just not going to shift. Like that burden is following me everywhere. Now, it now just understanding the neuroscience of it already sheds light on why it can feel so hard to release responsibility. Because remember, we also we have this biological imprint of it now. The nervous system is tying responsibility to emotional survival. Then we have the emotional conditioning with guilt and shame that is really locking a person in. And then we have the ACEs, adverse childhood experiences, which is this hyper responsibility becomes a survival strategy. I will only be accepted if I take responsibility. It really becomes a survival strategy. If I take responsibility, I fit in. I'm seen, I'm heard, I belong. Now that leads into what we already touched on earlier is those neurochemical loops, right? These stress hormones that lingers and the brain stays on alert. And then we start to attach our identity to how responsible we are. And that's why letting go of responsibility, it can feel like a failure, like a real hard, raw failure. Because during our childhood, you know, children are born fully conscious without habits. So to learn reactivity by copying our parents, peers, environments, this is now where a lot of this can actually go wrong, where the wiring can become faulty. Because a lot of adults, they live like almost like in the matrix of learned reactivity and repeating patterns completely subconscious. So this is where it can become really, really frustrating, especially if this is cultural family learned patterning and behavior that we copied. It's almost like a person is birthed into that. And so now, when you are ready, let's take a nice deep breath. Very good. And now I invite you to close your eyes very gently, and as you do, taking a nice deep breath. Nice deep breath. Feeling your body fully supported by the ground beneath you. Allowing your shoulders, your chest, and your jaw just to soften. Open your jaw just a little bit and notice as you do how it quiets your thoughts. Feels more peaceful. And then imagine now roots extending from your feet deep into the earth, and with every inhale, draw up calm, grounding energy. With every exhale, releasing stress, tension, and also just the weight of responsibilities that are no longer yours to carry. And now I invite you to picture yourself holding a heavy backpack filled with responsibilities. Some are yours and some are not. And now, placing your hand over your heart, and whisper silently, I only carry what is truly mine, and I release what is no longer mine, and imagine your heart glowing with lightness, with clarity, and freedom. Responsibility shifts from a heavy burden into a gift. The freedom to choose your response in any situation. And noticing how a beautiful healing lights flowing from your head down out your face. And I'm going to affirm a few positive affirmations, and all that you have to do is listen to my voice. I'm safe to let go of what's no longer mine. I choose responsibility as conscious freedom and no longer as a burden. My worth is no longer measured by how much I carry. I trust myself to know what belongs to me and what no longer does. I allow my nervous system to relax and reset. I release guilt and shame tied to responsibility, releasing all that projected guilt and shame, and realizing that you no longer have to accept that. I can now create healthy boundaries that protect my energy. My response ability is my power to choose with awareness. I welcome balance, lightness, and calmness into my life. I honor myself by carrying only what supports my growth. And as you're standing there under that waterfall, finding yourself taking another nice deep breath, exhale fully, feel into the calm light, that energy that is within you, that expansiveness, bringing your full focus and awareness to the bottom of your fate, feeling fully supported by the surface beneath you. And when you are ready, gently opening your eyes and bringing this freedom and this clarity with you into the rest of your day and night. Wonderful, welcome back. And remember that you are not alone, you are healing one step at a time, one breath at a time. And the affirmation for today is I honor myself by carrying only what supports my growth. And if this episode touched you, then please share it with someone that's maybe perhaps also on their healing journey. And as always, breathe deep, listen within, and stay gently curious. And until our next episode, thank you for your love, your time, and your energy. I love you all. Be the light that you are.