Heal Within with Dr. Evette Rose
Hi, I am Dr. Evette Rose, a Holistic Counsellor, Ph.D., MBA, and Author of 21 books, Mental Health and Trauma Recovery Therapist. Join my weekly updated holistic content where I host Mini Masterclasses, and meditations and discuss overcoming life challenges, healing work, business, depression, anxiety, happiness, divorce, relationships, finances, boundaries & trauma.
Plenty of my discussions are based on my book Metaphysical Anatomy Volume One maps over 722 physical ailments to their underlying emotional, psychological, and trauma-based root causes. It has become a global resource for those seeking to understand how their nervous system, subconscious, and emotional patterns influence long-term health. You will love this book and our Metapsychology Coaching Techniques!
Website: www.metaphysicalanatomy.com
Books: www.evettebooks.com
Heal Within with Dr. Evette Rose
Season 9 - Episode 79 - From Soldier to Soul: A Journey Beyond the Battlefield | Dr. Evette Rose and Rodolfo Young
What happens when a Special Operations soldier trades the battlefield for a meditation cushion? Rodolfo Young's extraordinary journey from military precision to mindful entrepreneurship offers a masterclass in masculine leadership that defies conventional stereotypes.
In this profound conversation, Rodolfo reveals the delicate balance he's cultivated—maintaining powerful masculine presence while rejecting aggression and intimidation in business leadership. "I can always tell a boy from a man by how they respond to criticism," he shares, offering a transformative perspective on mature masculinity that resonates deeply for entrepreneurs struggling with leadership identity.
Drawing from two seemingly opposite worlds—military discipline and two years in silent meditation—Rodolfo unpacks how building a successful business requires solid internal footing rather than external validation. His candid reflections on confronting PTSD reveal a startling insight: the deepest helplessness comes not from external circumstances but from being forced to act against our values. This recognition becomes a powerful framework for understanding the struggles many men face in business environments.
Through stories of corporate coaching and personal transformation, Rodolfo dismantles the myth of the self-made businessman. "The majority of successful businesses did not do it on their own from the beginning," he reveals, challenging listeners to embrace delegation and continuous learning as strengths rather than weaknesses. His approach to company culture—developing leaders rather than maintaining hierarchies—offers a refreshing alternative to toxic workplace dynamics.
The conversation culminates in a surprising yet profound piece of advice: play. Against intuition, especially when business challenges mount, Rodolfo advocates for stepping back and allowing creativity to flow naturally. "Like a river meeting a rock," he suggests, "don't try to force your way through—just flow around it."
Whether you're launching a startup or leading an established organization, this episode will transform how you view masculine strength in business leadership. Listen now to discover how aligning your values with your vision creates not just business success, but personal fulfillment.
Hi everyone. Yvette Rose here and welcome to Men in Business Summit and guys. I am so excited to have Rodolfo Young here with me today. Thank you so much for making time and being with us.
Speaker 2:My pleasure.
Speaker 1:So excited. And, guys, for those of you who don't know Rodolfo, he's a former US Army Special Ops and he's also now deeply practicing the APE approach to live a more mindfulness life and also to dive more deep into personal development. And he was also two years in silent meditation. And now, rodolfo, you're working with CEOs and celebrities and also top influencers to help them to improve their quality of life and also their strategies, and you have almost 21 certificates and you work with thousands of people as well around the world. And he's even also a writer at the Ariana Huffington Drive Globe and he also has shared the stage get this scared the stage with Eckhart Tolle, with Deepak Chopra, with Tony Robbins, also with Marianne Williamson, and he's now the founder of the brilliant Center here in Ubud in Bali, where we are right now. Whoo right, did I catch everything?
Speaker 2:got it.
Speaker 1:What an amazing life that you've had. So, just from that introduction already, it just already grabbed me when I heard US military. And now you have this beautiful, heart-centered business and it's like, wow, how did that even happen for you, even happened for you? Where? Where was the the pull for you from moving from a place of a military background to going 360 degrees or at least that's what it feels like, that's what it looks like for us to moving into, diving into the heart, diving into your emotions.
Speaker 2:I think I almost look at it like a seesaw, where you know if you've got one end of the seesaw and you're way up here and this is like this military assertive, you know, violent, sometimes very, very yang, masculine, strong kind of energy going in and eventually gravity is going to get you and you're just going to kind of slide down to the other side.
Speaker 2:So it's balance, I think for the most part, and actually I take that back. It doesn't just happen naturally. When you stop actively doing whatever it is that you're doing at one extreme of the seesaw or the spectrum or the pendulum, then that stillness allows you to actually slide to the other side. And so I think that was what it was From the military and everything that was going on there. Even when I was there I still had some balance and was really into personal development and things. But when I finally got myself out of that, it was an immediate stillness and stopping and pausing and from that I just very naturally moved into the balance of personal development and holistics and spirituality one thing that you said that that also captured me here just for a second.
Speaker 1:There was when you talked about the masculinity, the, the abrasiveness, or perhaps as aggression, as most of us would interpret masculinity being, and something that I find, quite, you know, admirable about you. So if that's the perfect word to use in English English is my second language, bear with me but if that's the word I can use here for you, is that I find you to be such a wonderful expression of masculinity, a very strong, solid presence, but not in that you know, boosting type of pushy or, um, I wouldn't say manipulative but aggressive type of of approach. You have a completely different approach, yet you still remain very masculine, like I wouldn't actually call you being feminine, and this is something that a lot, and this is something that a lot of men, I think, struggle to find a balance when they are in business, when they are being entrepreneurs. It's how do I show up, how do I show my power, how do I assert respect, how do I create being the leader that I want to be?
Speaker 1:Because sometimes, when we think about leaderships, we think of men who are very you know, sometimes even abusive, sometimes very controlling, sometimes a little bit too honest, which can come forward as feeling very intimidating, but I've seen you having such a different and unique approach, especially as a business owner now, and quite successfully, in what you're doing at the moment and have been doing for quite a while now. How did you find that balance? How did you create that space of being masculine but still being in business and just nailing it down so, so perfectly?
Speaker 2:I think there's a few different things that come to my mind of how that happened. The first one was I took my time, you know, I think being able to cultivate a foundation first and step on that, and it's almost like you're building the steps towards your success, that you get solid footing at each way. When you have solid footing, you don't assert yourself in an outward way because you don't need to. You become a magnet or an example of what it is that you're doing.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of times where, especially for the masculine, if we're trying to prove or if we're trying to fulfill that social role of the provider and protector, but almost in the way of keeping up with the Joneses style, rather than actually having the resources and actually having the stability physically, emotionally, financially, all these things then the consistency isn't there, but rather it's just this gunshot approach of constantly trying to no, look I did this, oh, look I did this, or, if I gamble on this, maybe it'll finally come. When we do that, there's actually no stability. So of course you're going to get men that are huffing and puffing but the slightest little you know flick and they're gonna fall over because there's no stability, right. So for me, the biggest thing was taking my time and creating stability and and that means not being in any urgency of it, not trying to run away from where I felt there was weakness this is actually one of the biggest, biggest things I'll say on the level of masculinity, not just in business but in life.
Speaker 2:I can always tell a boy from a man, and the way I can tell is how they respond to criticism, how they respond to criticism. So if it's a boy, we'll just say an immature or even an unbalanced masculinity or toxic masculinity. If they're given criticism and they get super defensive, then they're still kind of getting to that stability that I'm talking about, if they actually answer with oh interesting. Thank you for that feedback. Let me look at that, let me see if any of that's true and own it if it is, and see how I can improve. That's a man, that's masculinity, that's the stability that says okay, I can be responsible.
Speaker 1:Wow, and that's powerful. I'm still digesting what you said. That is so incredibly and it feels so true as well. It feels right. I fully agree with you.
Speaker 1:And when you said, when they take that place of responsibility, do you feel that maybe the reason why a lot of men you know push, push against that responsibility or do become offensive or do revert to that, that inner child, almost like that type of response? Because because there was maybe a point in time where there was too much responsibility, and it's almost like there's now what I would call like an allergic reaction to responsibility? Because and the reason why I'm bringing this up is when we look at generational patterns of men always having to be the provider, being the financial breadwinner, securing everything, making sure the children's education is done, making sure the wife has money that she needs to buy food for the house, and it's like there's a lot of responsibility that comes with that alone and not being able to show your emotions as well. How? How do we bring? Because every business, every business that we start or have at least things from our past, pours over into this business every single time, and that's why I love the song, because it's conscious men in business.
Speaker 1:So it's all about being consciously aware of how wounds can overflow into your business, and has this something that maybe has happened with you and maybe advice that you can give, or ways to catch these moments where there is a moment where we do need to take responsibility, but it's bringing up old stuff, and so it's almost like now you're fighting with your emotions and you're having to deal with having to be now an adult and show up strong in this moment at the same time and and I've been in situations like that and I've seen many men also in business finding this to be quite a battle that they have to face with on a regular basis yeah, I think it's funny because when, when I started doing more corporate coaching, I always said it was an odd mix, because I come in there and I'll work with an executive and often it'll be a male executive and if I can get them to heal the wounds that they've succeeded so well in their life, because they were trying to prove otherwise to that wound, they were trying to avoid that hurt or avoid that overwhelm or so much responsibility, and they finally realized, oh, realize, oh, wow, I don't need to prove that I'm worthy to my father anymore or I don't need to do this or that.
Speaker 2:Or then you know, the motivation for their all the success they have, sometimes shifts. So it wasn't so good for repeat business, but it's good for people's lives. So when I look at that, it shows me what the pattern often is is that we start to do things in life not because of what we want, but because of what is expected of us, or what we think we should be doing, or how we should be showing up, or because we're afraid of not being seen in those ways. And anytime that's the case, again you're on shaky footing. You don't have a stability, stability there which makes it very hard actually to. We'll call it um succeed calmly right you know the the.
Speaker 2:You look at some of the top execs and or business owners, entrepreneurs they're a wreck like. They're just so anxious all the time and and on to the next thing or this that you even see in just in marketing a lot. You know, if, if you have a product and as soon as it's out you've got to be working on your next product just to try to keep the interest of a market, then it's because there's something going on in you, not because of the market. You haven't taken the time to believe. Oh wait, they would stick around because of the relationship I can develop with them. But no, they're just here for the value I might give right now and again.
Speaker 2:Shotgun approach, yes. So yeah, I think that's the biggest advice that I can give is learn to look at your own personal development. First, look at what's going on and again that distinction between a boy to a man. Be okay with the criticism, be okay with the failures, be okay with the, the not fulfilling expectations and things like that. But then look at why it didn't happen and and find what's balanced for you and and it's amazing what happens when we actually come from a stable place that's.
Speaker 1:That's so true. What you said, and what I'm also hearing with this explanation that you just gave, is is to overcome that fear of failure. Yes, huge fear of failure, because even when I was thinking about what you were doing in the military here, you were in a position well at least from my perspective where you follow, you have to take orders, you have to take instructions. It's not like you're left by your own device to kind of like, do what you please, as we can do in our business. How did you make that transition of being someone that was in a position of taking, perhaps, instructions and now you're in the position where you are the one giving instructions?
Speaker 2:you are now in that place of leadership well, it's an interesting hierarchy in the military and I'm going to divulge a little bit of what happens in the internal workings of the military um you know, you have the enlisted, and then you have officers and you have leadership.
Speaker 2:That's creating strategy. And then you have those who are actually implementing the strategy. Most of the time, those who are creating the strategy are not really in tune with how it would be implemented. And so quite often and this doesn't go for every branch of the military, um, or every unit or battalion, but at least in mine, it was often the case that there'd be these great, lofty goals and they'd come say, okay, I want this by this afternoon, right, and? And you shake your head, yes, sir, you know, and. And they'd go. And then you turn to the your other, you know, uh, I'm not colleagues, but the other soldiers in your unit.
Speaker 2:And you'd be like okay, so how are we going to do this? What do we like? And so there's actually an amazing amount of independence and self-reliance. That happens Because when you're given an order by somebody, they don't give you an instruction manual with it.
Speaker 1:You have to figure it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they just give you. Here's the result that we want, okay, and we need it by this time, and so then you actually do have to get very creative and take a bit of a management of yourself and definitely responsibility to get it done.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I remember one very, very good example of this, when I had just finished all my training and it was, I think, like the first week that I was assigned to the first unit that I was in. I think like the first week that I was assigned to the first unit that I was in and the higher cadres so like upper majors and actually not a general but just below them had come in and they were going to have a huge meeting of all the officers on a mission that we were going to be doing and it was in a certain country, and they came to me like what do you know about this country? And I was like nothing. And they came to me like what do you know about this country? And I was like nothing. And they dropped like a stack of papers of research about this big on this one country, and they said okay, in about two hours we need a full PowerPoint presentation You're going to be presenting to the higher cadre, which is like all the officers on deployment strategies, culture, assessment, risks, this and that, and left.
Speaker 2:And I'm just sitting there going okay, and I did it and I think probably one of the biggest things I actually learned out of the military was again this idea of capacity that we have.
Speaker 2:When you realize that if you believe believe that you can then you normally find the resources. And when it comes to business, this is huge that if you simply go okay, here's the goal and here's what I want to do it and I believe it's possible, right, and you don't have to look around and see examples of other people who have done it now then you have to come back to yourself and be like do I want to do it? And that in in the military, I didn't have the choice. Right In business, you have the choice and so you go. Do I want to do this? Because if you don't want to, you won't have the motivation to actually carry it through. Yeah, so you do have to be aligned in the tasks and the projects you take on.
Speaker 1:That's true, that's so true. And when we look at this alignment also and this alignment also starts because of our drive, but not just the drive, but also our values, our values within a business. Because, at the end of the day, if we don't know what our values in business are, I've actually seen that being one of the main reasons why a lot of businesses end up collapsing, because people don't align the business with their values. Because, at the end of the day, your business is an extension of you. Your business values is the same as yours. Yeah Well, at least it needs to be the same. Then there needs to be a bit of a coherence between these two.
Speaker 1:I would love to hear what are your values in business, which also would mean your values.
Speaker 2:Integrity is one of my biggest, biggest ones, and so, whether that's from making an agreement and then keeping the agreement to my best ability, or at least communicating if I can't failing fast, the really big one, yeah. So being able to, as I was talking about earlier, take failure or take feedback or criticism and see it as a growth process, not as a criticism not as a judgment and probably connection. Connection is probably the biggest thing, like I'm very much a people person yeah, you are.
Speaker 2:So if, if I can't have connection within my business. It doesn't work for me. So you know, even these last couple of years where everything kind of went virtual, that was a big hit to my business, not because I couldn't get the jobs, but because it just didn't feel right for me. You know, I love to be in person with people and to interact. To have to do it over a screen it didn't work. And this is where we can make little adjustments right. So recently I actually made this adjustment.
Speaker 2:One of my corporate clients.
Speaker 2:They always, whenever they have a new gig for me, they send over like a PowerPoint template for me to use to make my presentations.
Speaker 2:And I never really thought about the fact that I actually had a choice whether I could use the PowerPoint template or not, but I kept using it and every time that I would do it I would feel disconnected from my audience. Because they're looking at a slide, I might be in a tiny little window, I don't see them anymore. I'm not seeing the reaction, the response, the body language, and so there was no connection and I work a lot by response and so if people have questions and things like that, when you have a PowerPoint up, especially in a virtual call where it's like you know, on your Zoom call, you're not thinking to chat over in the window or talk to the person, because you're like, oh, they're doing a presentation, they should be quiet, and so there's no interaction, so no connection, and it was killing me. And finally, on one of the last gigs that they sent me, I went on. I went to do the presentation and I was about to launch the PowerPoint, I was like you know what? No, this doesn't align to my value, this doesn't work.
Speaker 2:For me good and I toss it out, one of the best calls, best presentations I've ever given. We had so much engagement. The people got so much more actually value out of it because they could ask the questions that were pertinent to them. So, yeah, yeah, to be be able to know what your values are and then align to them creates massive success.
Speaker 1:I love that and you know you actually took that leap of faith and, just, you know, throw out something that is at least expected of you and you follow the values that you felt in alignment with, because that's your business values and they hired you because of your expertise and what you do in your business and that means that you bring your values into that as well. Yeah, that is, I love that. Yeah, I love that. I want to ask you because it was just kind of triggering a trail of thought for me when you said about the failure I want to touch it on that one one for one minute the, because this is something that I see in you.
Speaker 1:You see things as an opportunity. You don't necessarily see it as, oh my goodness, this is going to fail, it's not going to work. You've you have a mindset where you turn this into an opportunity. Can you break that and slow that really down? For me because this is something that is very, very important for all our viewers is to really start to understand what does fear of failure mean? What does it look like and how can you completely turn this around? Because this is what is one of probably one of our probably biggest sabotaging blocks are.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's many, but this is definitely one that I see with a lot of men who's starting on businesses now, especially after COVID, you know the way that we look at business has completely changed. You know where there was. You know shops, for example. Now it's online shops. Or you know where you have workshops, face-to-face. Now, suddenly it's online and you have to look at your business from a completely different perspective. And who wouldn't have a fear of failure? I had a complete breakdown when I had to think, oh my god, I have to now teach online. What does that even look like?
Speaker 2:you know so, and that fear of failure is, it's tremendous yeah, so the the first thing that I think of is, you know, normally people when they're afraid of failure, they try to plan as much as possible, they try to control every element and variable and every step along the way, and so the first thing to be able to overcome the fear of failure is start differently. Don't start with a sense of perfection, but start with a sense of adaptability, and and this makes it much, much easier to actually have failure happen and go ah, thank you. So not that way, this way and this way, and you keep kind of refining the trajectory that you're on. To do that, though, you have to shift something. That's, uh, I guess, a broader scope here.
Speaker 2:Most people, especially in business or even in life in general, they they're goal-oriented, so they're going towards a destination, like, okay, I'm here and I want to be there, I have this much in the bank and I want to have a million or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:Or the company is doing this and I want to make this. And so there's this goal setup, which is good because it gives you some motivation and some planning and structure, but then you have to let go of the goal and just know that you've pointed yourself towards it. I always tell people you know, forget the destination, just make sure you're in the right direction. And when you do that, now again, it doesn't matter if you've gotten there yet, as long as you're still going in the direction, and the course correction that you're making is just to be in the right direction, not to get there right. That you're making is just to be in the right direction, not to get there right. But most of the time if you're thinking, oh, I have to get there, everything that isn't there yet is a failure yeah, and so then that's very scary every step you know, and often it's like a rainbow.
Speaker 2:You're trying to get closer and then something happens and it's a little further, and it goes a little further and a little further. Well then, of course you're.
Speaker 1:It's exhausting and helpless that and that you just hit the nail on the head. Helplessness, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Men hate feeling helpless yeah because you guys are biologically designed to lead, to be competent, to know the answers. Like I know, when I talk to my husband when I have a problem, he's like going straight into problem solving. I'm like can you just listen? Like let me help. I'm like I'm not asking for advice, I need to listen. So now, when I need to, now, I call it nowing because that's me just unpacking, especially when I talk to him about my business, because I love talking to him about my business and strategies, and I would say to him I am not asking for advice, I just need to be heard. Or I will actually sit down and say I need your advice, can you please help me?
Speaker 1:And then go straight into problem solving and to not have an answer, to not have a solution, it creates almost a sense of a deep, deep biological sense of panic. It feels unsafe. Yeah, I noticed that and there must have been moments also in your life maybe where you felt that as well, and especially in your business. Where do you remember the last moment when that was for you?
Speaker 2:uh, I'm trying to think in business. I can think of it in in terms of my family and personal relationships and things like this and the way I look at helplessness, because I dove really deeply actually into the sense of helplessness last year actually I guess a couple of years back when I realized that I actually did have PTSD from my military time. I never thought I had, but when I started looking closer at it I realized that it was very much there.
Speaker 1:How did that show up for you? Just to everyone else, because this is actually quite common. I mean, I'm sure there's many people sitting here also that has been in the military, that has had traumatic experiences and they don't know, they can't see how this is maybe showing up in their relationships, how this is showing up even in their business. This knee-jerk reaction of the panic, the stress, that could probably be correlated very closely to that as well.
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny because apparently my family knew but I didn't. And when I would go back to visit there would just be these moments where I would just lose it. And it wasn't that I was aggressive towards them, but I would be very aggressive towards myself and hitting walls. And I broke my wrist a couple of times and for me it was essentially coming back to that sense of failure, actually of thinking I'm failing myself, I'm failing the ones that I care for, and that was bigger to me than any kind of ego pride of whether I'm successful in business or things like that. But when I started looking closer at it and I started going into the Veterans Affairs office to have talks with psychologists who were dealing with PTSD things and after the first visit because I didn't think I had PTSD, I just thought I had some anger- issues or something Emotion.
Speaker 2:Emotion. I didn't know what it was. Wow, and as I started to explain to this psychologist the first one that I visited I just burst into tears. All this stuff came up. I was like, wow, I didn't realize that this sense of helplessness had been there. And when I was leaving the VA clinic my dad was driving me. At the time I was back home visiting and he said something to me.
Speaker 2:That was pretty much the biggest insight that I've had around what helplessness really is. He looked and he goes. You know, I can't fathom what you experienced there. I don't know what kind of crazy trauma and sights and things that you had to see or do, but I can imagine probably the hardest thing was knowing that it was against your values. So we come back to this sense of values and integrity and things like this that it was against your values. So we come back to this sense of values and integrity and things like this. And it was completely against everything that I stand for to to be harming any other form of life, like.
Speaker 2:I'm a very weak consciousness kind of guy and to be in a situation where I might get ordered to to harm or kill somebody was so against my values but then to feel helpless, to say, no, that was the trauma, right, and and so that really showed me that our helplessness actually has so much more to do with with are we in alignment with our values in that moment?
Speaker 2:And when we feel like we're being pulled out of it, either because of an expectation or a quest or a duty or an order, whatever it is. And let's say, in business, if you're there and you really want to be of service and this and that, but now the business is going under because you need a change. Maybe you're marketing and you keep being told, no, just do a little bit of the sneaky marketing Like it'll help, your business will do. Well, you think, okay, maybe I will. There's this moment in that that you're feeling helpless because you're going against what is true for you, and when that happens is when real failure happens, right, and when when you lose it, because it's not that you were helpless in your resources or in your choices, but it was that you felt helpless in following what was true for you.
Speaker 1:That was very powerful, that was incredibly insightful, even even for me, but I can absolutely see, from just my perspective, how this rings true for so many men that is listening right now and what I wanted to ask you, that that striked me, that made me really curious about this feeling of helplessness. What do you think could be the potential starting point of that, like when there's something that you've got but you feel like I have to go against something that is important to me and now you feel that sense of helplessness. Why do you feel the helplessness is there, especially for you? If you have to take it for an example for you, what was your journey like? Why do you feel the helplessness was there?
Speaker 2:I think the biggest thing was because there was a voice that said I'm not allowed to ask for help. I've got to do this myself. I've got to handle this myself. I have to make sure I'm showing up strong. I can't fall off my white horse Like that was probably the biggest thing. Is is, for instance, if I'm looking at the, the family, personal relations, where I was feeling helpless. It was because maybe my partner wanted one thing from me and my family member wanted something else, and even just something simple like attention or time together, for something to feel like I can't actually make a choice where somebody's not going to get hurt or somebody's not going to feel like I've not shown up. That makes me helpless. And so that's where, for me, it really is feeling like there's no choice, that I can't ask for help or make a request as to what I want. That's actually probably the other big piece is knowing that it's okay to ask for what an individual wants instead of just trying to please those outside of them.
Speaker 1:And this is bringing this full circle back to having your own business asking for help, this full circle back to having your own business asking for help, recognizing that you are in a place, in a space where it's not even asking for help delegate, where you just need to delegate something to someone because you've reached your limitation in your capacity. But there's such a sense of I have to do it all on my own, I have to carry the burden all on my own when you are in business, that it's almost unfathomable to even think of asking for help, because asking for help means that you are now either weak, you don't know what to do, or people will think that you're being unresourced and another one on there.
Speaker 2:It means that at the end, when you reach the, the goal, you can't claim it as your own. And if people are moving into trying to succeed because they're trying to prove something, it never works and that's why we have to come back and drop the proving. And is it because you want to do this? Is there something in you that wants to give this as a service or a business?
Speaker 1:you know, and that you just nailed it there again when you said when it's in service, because then everything is not always necessarily about you or how great you look.
Speaker 1:But this is now something that's in service of a greater good and it opens up a space for people to come in to support people with that service. And when you look at any business that any man here has right now, there is a service of humanity or towards humanity, at least within that business, if you just open yourself up to that potential that already exists yeah and wow, that was really powerful what you said.
Speaker 1:So what I'm also hearing is that there's an element. There's an element of people often, sometimes trying to find their self-worth and their individuality, yeah, through what they're doing. But when we do that, isn't it that our individuality and our power is now outside of us, because we have to take an action in order to feel it, rather than already just have it?
Speaker 2:yeah, and if our efforts not recognized, all of a sudden, everything we were seeking is gone because we weren't holding the power. We've given it to the customer, the client, the, you know results that are being sought after.
Speaker 1:Yeah and that can probably spiral or put a person, you know, those five steps forward and then 10 steps back, but then you're back into that space of feeling helpless again, of feeling that I can't ask for help. Or how do I fix this? In order to fix it, maybe I need to ask for expertise and maybe need to ask for support, and people just don't know how to do that. How did you ask for help? Or how did you learn to ask for help? Because even just going to a psychologist that's asking for help.
Speaker 2:And on the business level, it was learning how real businesses work. There's a difference between having a job and having a business. A job, that's you. You're exchanging your time, your energy, for a paycheck, whether that's for an employer or self-employed. As an entrepreneur, it's you. You're exchanging your time, your energy for a paycheck, whether that's for an employer or self-employed. As an entrepreneur, it's still a job. When you're running a business, now, you're creating a service that's for a community, for others, for the clients.
Speaker 2:It's not really about you, and what I found when we're looking at how do we ask for help in that is, as I studied more and more from successful business owners and things like this, the thing that struck me the most, the beginning of their journey, was investment and the fact that the majority of really, really successful businesses did not do it on their own even from the beginning. Own even from the beginning, it was somebody else's influence finance, uh, knowledge, or even just the labor. Somebody else does it and you you're coming in with an idea, yeah, and from that idea then you can map out how you would delegate the duties and the resources that are needed for that and you come together, and so it was really a big eye-opener to kind of go okay, so wait, all these like super successful names that we hear out there, they're not the ones who succeeded. It was them and their entire team, them and their entire company, right.
Speaker 1:That is very powerful within that already just there as well, and I love the awareness that you have. You know you picked up also on that investment. You picked up on the pattern of what is it that all these successful people have in common and how did you apply that to your life?
Speaker 2:uh well, I continue to do so um as best I can where it's that, I love that, so you continue to do so.
Speaker 1:It's not a one-off thing.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:And this is what people often fail to. Sorry for interrupting, but it was so important. The moment you said that I'm like it's not a one-off thing, it's continuous practice, because a lot of people think, oh well, now I did that, so what's?
Speaker 2:next yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's like the top CEOs the top executives will have a coach, somebody who may not have any idea about their industry, but can help them become a bigger performer, because they see the blind spots that they're not seeing. And so it's simply that, no matter where you are on the rung, it's to know that you can ask for help. And so, as you're saying, it's not a one-step thing where, okay, you know, at the beginning I needed help, but now I'm off on my own. No, you're going to run out of steam eventually. To be able to ask for help means that you're doing two things You're asking for help above you, from the people that have succeeded already, have gone down that path, have a proven track, whatever it is, and then you're also taking time to help the people beneath you, to bring them up, and those are going to be your employees, your teammates, the people you're delegating to. You want to be shaping them into leaders of their own, because then that just pushes you forward and you're continuing to learn.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, if people are looking again, it comes back to this idea of destination. They're like I made it to the CEO level. The company is doing this much. Okay, I don't need to do anything anymore, I don't need to learn anymore. I proved what I wanted to prove. Well, that only lasts for as long as it's recognized and then it's gone. And if you stop doing, if you stop creating and, through inspiration, giving into the world, then you actually get forgotten and that success and whatever you tried to prove is gone. So it's about continuing to grow. I guess that's really the word is. We get to continue to grow all the time and have that growth mindset about things. Also, that then goes into when you have something like what's happened in the last two years as a business, you may have done really well, to have accomplished a lot and gotten to a certain place, and then everything changes. If you're not willing to grow, to learn, to keep moving forward and to ask for help from those that could help you do that, then your business goes away.
Speaker 1:That is.
Speaker 1:I mean, it takes teamwork to make a dream work, and I sometimes also say that if people are working with others, because some people are solo, some people work with teams I've come to learn that your business can only be as good as your relationship with yourself if you're solo and if you have a team, your business can only be as good as your relationship with yourself if you're solo and if you have a team, your business can only be as good as your people, and it really takes also a lot to invest in these people and to look at what is your relationship dynamics with them.
Speaker 1:And one of the biggest challenges that I also see with men in business is that sometimes we have really great people that are very sharp, but they don't align with your values, and I see that creates sometimes conflict in businesses, and sometimes people have different agendas because they don't agree with yours. So now they're creating their own because they think they're saving the world, but going against you as their leader. And I'm sure we've a lot and I've seen that, especially working with so many different cultures and countries, and how have you seen how cultural conflicts can come into a business as well, because this is something that you would be like.
Speaker 2:this is like right up your alley yeah, when this comes back to the idea of why, while you're growing and learning from somebody that's done the things that you're seeking to do, you're also teaching those beneath you to become leaders themselves that's it, because if if you're helping the person that's beneath you, they're not going to be trying to to, um, take your job, essentially take your position, they're happy for it.
Speaker 2:So I have a philosophy of give before it can be taken right. And so, yeah, you essentially create a company culture where it's about developing leadership, it's about developing people, rather than trying to keep a hierarchy of okay, I'm the top dog and you know, you guys are here to listen to me. That just creates resentment and bitterness and then people overthrow you because they see that also as sorry.
Speaker 1:It's like as an opposition.
Speaker 1:Now, when there's the, what I see with men is that the moment there's resistance, it's fight.
Speaker 1:There's no such thing. Let's talk about it where we'll be, like, well, let's sit down, how do you feel about it? And the men is just like brah, you know, and they bark, and so what I'm curious is, when we look at it from that perspective, when there is maybe resistance, when we look at it from that perspective when there is maybe resistance, where there is maybe a lack of seeing eye to eye, what can people do to address this in a more calmer way and for it not to escalate to a place of having to betrayal or having to maybe have an anger spat or having to raise voices or threat, because I see a lot of men who are in leadership. This is where the power becomes now abusive, where they would threaten employees or they would get really aggressive or they will give them ultimatums, and that's the opposite of inspiring your people, because now you're injecting toxicity into the, the heart of your company yeah, yeah, and you don't want people to be following you out of fear.
Speaker 1:You want them to follow you out of respect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that was a big thing I learned in the military actually, wow. Okay, it's an interesting question because you again so much of this stuff is. You almost want to start properly, but most of the time people haven't. So they get to a certain place and they're like, well, how do we fix this mess?
Speaker 2:the biggest piece there is that the leadership be humble right because if, if your company has gotten a culture that that isn't working, that's not aligned, that there's conflict, that there's these internal struggles and things like that, it's because the leadership it doesn't mean individually as whoever you are as a leader, but it simply means that the leadership structure and how it was set up wasn't done in a way that would actually create a unified team towards a vision.
Speaker 2:It was more okay, we're working under you and you're doing doing this and you're getting all that, but we're not getting much, you know. And so there's this idea of how do we create a fair share where people are being rewarded for the effort and the inspiration and motivation that they have, rather than am I putting people against each other by saying, okay, well, if you do a better job, I'll give you a promotion, if you don't and you know you get less you don't get the, the fun job or the project, or this creates competition. Competition for creativity can be great. Competition for resources no, everybody should really be given the same resources to accomplish a task, to, you know, take care of themselves and things like that. So, fair wages, fair profit sharing. If that's a model that somebody's following, things like this, it's where the team. All benefits from the company doing well.
Speaker 1:That's true and it comes back to exactly what you were saying about when there's, for example, lack of equality, how that can also trigger feelings of helplessness, because you know if, if, if their growth is based on a top leader and there is abuse, if there's intimidation, if there's fear, it creates a feeling of hopelessness in terms of how am I going to climb up if there's favorism or if yeah, exactly these things happening as well and I'm sure you see that a lot in the corporations when you do coaching with them as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's certain levels within. When you do a cultural audit, a corporate cultural audit of how the trust level is, and each level will dictate that. The worst is when there's absolutely no trust of leadership and people are just there for the paycheck and then you get kind of siloed things where they're not trusting the different departments and then you might have not trusting the success that the company will achieve, the goals that they're saying or the stakeholders. And the top level of the best kind of culture is where all people involved within the vision of a company, which obviously has to be defined very well, and that's normally, that's normally. The crux is that the vision hasn't been defined, because the vision often is that the person who started it was trying to prove something and so we come back right, yeah, and.
Speaker 2:but if you have a vision that's very clear and people can buy into it and be inspired by it, you don't really run into these issues because you're on the same team, you're after the same goal.
Speaker 1:How can someone who is maybe listening right now and they're going, oh my God, that's me. That's me Like I don't want to admit it, but that's me how can they start to create that clear vision, that clear direction, even if it's just small little steps? How can they start to create that clear vision, that clear direction, even if it's just small little steps? How can they start creating that?
Speaker 2:well, I come back to the word of being humble. Humility, okay, because you have to admit where you're at if you want to improve, and it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong. But if, if you're trying to be like, no, I've got this handled and everything's fine and I've been doing it well and I never made a mistake, but it's just not working and it must be somebody else's fault, no, it won't work. Humility is taking ownership and accountability for what the results are.
Speaker 1:I want to frame that. I love that. That is so true. It's so true. And you know, I can even see that for me. You know in the past for me how that would. If I wish I had, you know, you sitting on my shoulder saying, well, hey, yvette, let's just, let's just revise this a little bit, because I think for a lot of people and they might be able to relate is that we don't want to feel that it can be our fault, based on our actions or reactions, that we are where we are right now. We're always looking for something outside of us to blame. I call this the nanny state, where people tend to blame the government for everything, certain experiences they have, and validly so, but it's also, to a certain extent, where are you going to step up to create the experience that you choose to have, instead of feeling that you're passively just following all the time? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I love that. Is there one word of advice that you can say for any business owner right now, whether it's a startup, whether they're currently busy, but they're just feeling just a little bit challenged or stuck now? But regardless of what the challenge is because at the end of the the day, it's the mindset that needs to shift yeah, um, it's going to be a funny word to use but play, play.
Speaker 2:Like when you're too thick in it and and you're too close to the canvas of the masterpiece that you're trying to create, you need to step back, relax and and let the creativity start to flow again, or at least take your mind off of it for a moment and so play. You know, I, I, I really love the balance between whether it's play or rest, and productivity, because if you're just on the go, go, go, go, go, there's never time for innovation, there's never time for improvement, there's never time for feedback and review, and so you might be doing something with so much motivation, so much energy and you're just going down the wrong path right, yeah, I've done, we've all been there I've done it too.
Speaker 2:You want to make sure that you, you play, and especially when you hit those points and and it's one of the hardest things to do, because you're like I don't have time to play like the business is going under.
Speaker 2:You have time because if you don't, I'll bring it to a different um perspective here yeah so if you went to the gym and you're just, you know, seven days a week, three hours a day, you're at the gym, you just go and go and go, you never take a break, you're not actually going to see very many results because your body can't handle the strain that you're causing it and also grow at the same time, and so it needs those moments of rest, those moments of play, of relaxation, to actually then integrate the effort you did, and then it starts to build the muscle, builds these other things. Same thing with your business if you're on it too much, then there's never that time to integrate, to have something land, land in, to realize, oh, maybe this structure we're doing here isn't working and we should do this instead and we also have internal things going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We have inner children, right, and that inner child wants to play. And imagine if you're constantly telling that child, no, no, after we reach our goal, after we reach our goal, then we can play. And eventually the child's like you're never taking a break, you're never playing. You keep saying that I don't trust you anymore, I'm taking matters into my own hands. Well, there we go, and that inner child will sabotage the things that you're doing. And so, all of a sudden, the business becomes worse. You have more of a world, more stress, a document goes missing because of whatever, and absent-mindedness, all the stuff. It's actually the inner child playing with you, so give it what it needs so that that doesn't happen that is so true.
Speaker 1:I love that, and it's also about knowing that we can grow through that place of curiosity, because that's what children do when they play.
Speaker 1:They play because they're curious and that's where we grow. So remember to play and remember to stay in that playful state of curiosity, because that's where Steve Jobs had their breakthroughs, that's where scientists have breakthroughs day after day. Because they remain curious, they keep asking questions in a playful way. They don't get frustrated. It's almost like you move like a river. The moment there's a rock, you flow around. Remain curious, they keep asking questions from a playful way.
Speaker 2:They don't get frustrated they actually.
Speaker 1:It's almost like you know you move like a river. The moment there's a rock, you flow around it. You don't try to go over it or through it, you just well, it goes around, it's okay and it's effortless, it's flawless when. Have fun with life again. Yes, I love that. Wonderful Rolfo. Thank you so much for your time, your energy, your wisdom and everything that you've been sharing here with everyone here today as well. It was absolutely invaluable, and even for me as well. I feel like I'm kind of like sneaking into the main summit here and learning so much, and I'm really thankful for it because it was very, very insightful and the hard moments that I absolutely had that I'm going to be taking away here as well. So I'm telling my husband to watch the summit as well. It was very good, that's great.
Speaker 1:So a very big thank you to you for being here thank you so much and guys, thank you also so much for being here with me and until next time, be the light that you are. Bye everyone.