Heal Within with Dr. Evette Rose
Hi, I am Dr. Evette Rose, a Holistic Counsellor, Ph.D., MBA, and Author of 21 books, Mental Health and Trauma Recovery Therapist. Join my weekly updated holistic content where I host Mini Masterclasses, and meditations and discuss overcoming life challenges, healing work, business, depression, anxiety, happiness, divorce, relationships, finances, boundaries & trauma.
Plenty of my discussions are based on my book Metaphysical Anatomy Volume One maps over 722 physical ailments to their underlying emotional, psychological, and trauma-based root causes. It has become a global resource for those seeking to understand how their nervous system, subconscious, and emotional patterns influence long-term health. You will love this book and our Metapsychology Coaching Techniques!
Website: www.metaphysicalanatomy.com
Books: www.evettebooks.com
Heal Within with Dr. Evette Rose
Season 9 - Episode 78 - Beyond the Ego: Dai on Fitness, Sobriety & Redefining Success | Dr. Evette Rose and Dai Manuel
The journey from achievement to fulfillment isn't linear, and sometimes requires us to completely reimagine what success actually means. Dai Manuel's powerful story reveals what happens when a high-achieving business leader confronts the painful reality that external symbols of success – the cars, the house, the titles – have failed to deliver the happiness they promised.
With remarkable honesty, Dai shares how alcohol became his crutch as he tried to suppress the growing sense that something fundamental was missing from his life. As his drinking threatened his marriage and connection with his young daughters, he faced a pivotal decision that would transform everything: committing to one year without alcohol. That year has now extended to thirteen years of sobriety and opened doorways to authentic connection he never imagined possible.
The conversation explores how physical wellbeing becomes a gateway to emotional and psychological transformation. Just fifteen minutes of daily purposeful movement – a mere 1% of your day – can create the emotional uplift needed to make better decisions and have difficult conversations. Dai explains how excessive cortisol levels not only manifest as stubborn belly fat but compromise our ability to recover and maintain resilience under pressure. His practical suggestion to monitor heart rate variability (HRV) offers men a concrete way to understand when their nervous system needs recovery rather than another push.
Perhaps most compelling is Dai's evolution from fearing vulnerability to recognizing it as his greatest strength. Through Toastmasters and men's groups, he discovered that creating safe spaces to acknowledge challenges and fears builds genuine confidence far more effectively than the anger and defensiveness many men use as shields. His insight that "vulnerability being raw and real, is actually a strength and not a weakness" offers a powerful alternative to traditional masculine conditioning.
Ready to stop languishing and start thriving? Consider Dai's challenge: what would happen if you stopped your most limiting habit for just one year? The transformation might surprise you. Connect with Dai's work to learn how movement with purpose can change everything.
Hi everyone. Yvette Rose here and guys I am so excited for this Men in Business Summit. And guys today here I have Dai Manuel. Thank you so much for being here with us today.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yvette. I'm absolutely honored. You know, like wow one. It's a men's summit, so I feel really honored to be here as a man, but also here to add value and hopefully make an impact and let people know, hey, we're all on this crazy journey together and it's a lot more fun when you acknowledge that.
Speaker 1:That's so true. And so, guys, for those of you who don't know him, he is an award-winning digital thought leader and also an author and a distinguished Toastmaster and TEDx speaker, and now he's also educating as a keynote speaker, and he's a former partner of chief operating officer of a multimillion dollar retail company. And he's also diving deep into health and fitness right now as well, amongst many other things that you're doing. I'm so excited to be diving into all this greatness and this wonderful achievements that you have achieved. So, first of all, congratulations, because that's hard work. I mean, this is not something that always necessarily happens overnight, and I can see that things are going really well for you, but I'm curious has it always been a smooth ride in terms of success? Because a lot of people get handed everything and then they lose it and they keep bringing it back. But I also seeing a lot of people who come from having to work for that, having to create the success and the reality that they want. What was your life like before all of this amazing success?
Speaker 2:Well, I guess success is highly subjective, right? I think we all have a different understanding of what that word means in our life. And I know, if we're talking about that early stages in my my life, especially early adulthood, you know, as I sort of ventured into entrepreneurship in my early 20s, I didn't really know what I was doing. I mean, I I was very much living in the ego and I was trying to achieve titles. You know, to be perfectly honest and to acquire stuff. You know, because I believe perfectly honest and to acquire stuff, you know, because I believe that being attached to that stuff was a would signify my success, right, like, have the nice car, have the nice family, have the nice home. You know, just, I just believe that that was what success was. But I realized the more that I was chasing that event, the more I was feeling unfulfilled. And the crazy thing was for me, as I was becoming more and more unfulfilled in this pursuit of what I believed was success and what I was supposed to be chasing, I was like, as I'm acquiring all this stuff and I'm achieving these certain recognitions and levels of what people perceive as success, shouldn't I feel happier? Shouldn't I feel better about myself, you know, like shouldn't things just feel easier? And and I was like no, they weren't. And and I learned to sort of distract myself from a lot of that, that, those inner thoughts, those, those those blame and guilt and just the not feeling I'm enough aspect of who I was at the time. And I learned to drown that with alcohol.
Speaker 2:I did, I drank a lot of alcohol and to the point where it really felt like I had two lives, and so you can imagine the conflict there, because here I am, someone that's known in the wellness industry, very well known, and can imagine the conflict there, because here I am, someone that's known in the wellness industry, very well known, and yet, on the flip side, a lot of the lifestyle pieces that I was doing behind the curtain, so to speak, was not reflective of that. You know there was a clear misalignment and you know, the more misaligned I was, the more unhappy I became. So it was just like this downward spiral and until I made a decision one day to just not allow for that anymore, to revisit what is important to me, what truly defines me as a person, as a man even. You know, like what does it mean to be a man, I really started to think about those types of questions as I made a commitment to my family and myself to go one year without drinking and that's turned into, you know, 13 years no drinking and it opened up a whole nother world of possibilities and opportunities. And so, yeah, that's sort of just that little starting off point there.
Speaker 2:And you know, if you were to ask me about success now, I define success very differently than how I previously defined it. Now it's just all about time and time being spent and invested with those that I feel not only add value to my life but add value to everybody else's lives too, and looking to connect more with that. And so mine's just having that freedom of time and ability and opportunity to do that, and to me that's much more successful, like I feel so much more joyous and happy and fulfilled as a result of that shift in my understanding of success.
Speaker 1:I love what you said and thank you for your honesty, because this is a moment in time that we all face in our lives where we all have that crisis or that feeling of discomfort, where it becomes so uncomfortable that we do make a shift. But one thing that I see that happens with a lot of men is that they're so driven, they're so focused on achieving success that even when they move into that place of pain or discomfort or it's just not working and now the coping mechanisms as you said, you know that become your crutch, that they continue to hold on to that bandaid, because there's a part of them that doesn't want to connect and admit that. Maybe I just need a different approach, maybe I just need a different lifestyle because we start to feel safe in our comfort zone. Now, also, what happened is that if your focus is constantly on your outcome that you want, that's where your focus and your energy flows right, that's where your emotions also flow and that, I've noticed, creates a sense of disconnect to the body. And that's what a lot of men, a lot of people, just in general, they don't recognize when something has becoming now destructive because we're trying to suppress deeper emotions or insecurities or lack of self-worth or the ego is chasing that.
Speaker 1:What I want to hear from you is how did you recognize? What was that moment? What did it look like? Or feel like when you realize something has got to give, I have to change something, because this is where I find men struggle, because men are so programmed. You're not allowed to feel, you feel sad. Well, man, the hell up, you know. No, there's no time for that now. Go, go, go. And it's a complete disrespect to their own inner process and what the body needs to know or needs to learn or needs to adapt to, because it has. You're in fitness, so you know the body can only do based on what resources you emotionally, physically and energetically give it until it collapses. What was that moment for you where you realized this has got to give? Were there any patterns, habits or signs or something that stood out for you during that transition?
Speaker 2:you know, and like I call people out on this all the time now, but the only because I'm hyper aware of the habits and sort of those telltale signs, if you will, and and I don't mean calling out, but from a loving place, right, because I have people that reach out often, you know, asking or expressing a desire to start seeing changes. And the thing is is we're always aware of the effect our choices have on us. We can suppress it, we can try to ignore it or remain ignorant to it, but you can't deny the feelings there. You know, like there's, it was always there for me and this is what I'm trying to get this point across is like I always knew that. Oh yeah, you know muting my phone so I don't have to reply to my wife to tell her I'm staying for another round of drinks or two or three. You know, like I was fully aware of my choices.
Speaker 2:You know, I was aware and I was aware that wasn't the best choice in the moment and I knew it didn't align with things that I said were important to me, like my family, one of my, my, my pillars. You know, in my life, my, my core values is family and those relationships and the importance of the integrity of those relationships and, and meanwhile, here I was doing things that went in complete contradiction to that, and yet I would continue to do that. And so it was just more of this erosion of this relationship with myself, to the point where I just didn't like being myself anymore, and it got to a point where now I was really pushing away those that were closest to me, to the point where it was gonna be irreparable, and I was making very poor decisions and choices and, as a result of that, my family was the brunt of that, you know, especially my kids at the time were both under the age of six. My two daughters and my wife and I had already been together for about a decade at that point, and I was not being a great husband, a great father, a great friend, a great business owner. To be honest, like I, all my decisions and actions were heavily compromised based on these little things I was doing, these little habits that I would continue to do as a way to make myself feel better in the moment, you know. And so it happened one day and I won't go into the full story, but because I do actually talk about this moment in my TEDx talk.
Speaker 2:You know about this pivotal moment in my life where, you know, my wife sat me down and we started to discuss what life would be like co-parenting, what would life be like not being together, and that wasn't even on my radar for me, but it was on her radar big time, because I continued to do the pattern and not make any of these changes. Meanwhile saying I was going to make the changes, you know what I mean like there might be some guys who can relate to this is like I became very good at apologizing, very good, and then I Very good, and then I get really, really good and do really great things and be an amazing guy for a period of time, to the point where I'd be like, well, I've kind of earned a night out, right, like I've earned. I can, I can go a little bit, I can do a little bit more. I can push the boundaries.
Speaker 2:And it was this non-going internal negotiation with myself to justify my actions. It just it got to a point. You know, here I am in my early 30s at this point and I'm like this is crazy this is crazy.
Speaker 2:I've got kids, I've got a business, I've got relationships, I've got a wife that I absolutely adore and want to spend the rest of my life with like Ty, give your head a shake, dude. What the hell are you doing? And it was in that moment where I just realized that if I don't make a drastic 180 turn right now, the next few steps of my life, I know where it's going, and it's going to be lonely, it's going to be unhappy and it's going to lead me further down that spiral I've already been sort of dipping my toe into, you know, and it was in that moment I just made a decision to make a change. And I it started by me just making the commitments, cause I always think, like what's the one thing that will make the greatest amount of impact right, like what is the one action or one decision I can make that will affect everything else? And for me, it was just recognizing that the one habit that kept pulling me back was drinking. So I said, you know what? That one habit? I'm going to remove it from my life for one year. And here's the scariest thing of that, because those that are listening to this, especially, if you know. I believe that we all have sort of these crutches like.
Speaker 2:I was morbidly obese as a teenager, so food was my drug of choice when I was between the age of nine and 14. And so it was kind of funny to see how history repeated itself. I learned how to deal with my emotions in a different way, but now with alcohol and my adult life and, and so I could recognize the pattern and I can see what I was doing again. But I also had the belief that I can make a change. Because I made the change when I was a teen. Why couldn't I do it again, you know? And and so I. I just gave into that and I recognized because this is the hardest part I was scared I was, I was afraid because all of a sudden I was doing a complete paradigm shift from how I was doing things and how I was coping with some of these challenging emotions, and I realized I can't do it on my own. It was the first time in my life where I was like I need to get help. Found a psychologist, worked with him for about three months. I found a relationships counselor Well, it was actually my wife and I going together and after our second session. She's like. You know, christy, I think it makes more sense for dad to come back on his own. So I, I and I gave in, I gave into that.
Speaker 2:For that next 12 months I was focusing on working on me. You know, not working on me, the business owner, because I was a very much an addict of professional development, but when it came to personal development I didn't dabble my toes in that. You know, anything that came around to that spiritual talk, even I would ignore and avoid and it was just me, my ego, you know, just just, it's just wild. But those are some of the things.
Speaker 2:And you know, for those that might be dealing with a struggle right now or having that one challenge, that one habit that keeps sort of tripping you up, what would life look like if you just stopped for one year? Just one year, I mean, I'm not saying give it up forever, I mean I mean, if it feels good and makes sense and you like the results it creates, great, that's a decision you can make. But what would life look like to just stop that for one year and just see where that can go? You know, it was instant, like within months things started to improve and get better, and the way my relationship with myself started to improve. And you know, I just I gave into the work. That's all I did.
Speaker 1:I gave into it that's fantastic and I mean well done, because that in itself is also discipline. There's a there's an actual, true desire for change, and it sounds to me like that was also a moment in your life where you were tremendously honest with yourself and you. You actually see it through. And one thing that I've also noticed that you talk a lot about, talk about, you know, challenges and obstacles. One thing I also see you talking a lot about is how does they motivate it when things are not going your way? How can you just jump into that? Because this is now not even just about personal life. This also is about business, because, let's face it, when we have a business, when we also, you know, transition from a personal life into the professional life, we I kind of like see the same issue showing up in business, but in different ways of course and things are not going to go your way.
Speaker 1:But regardless of what it is, how do we? Is there like a advice that you can share with us? How do we deal with that?
Speaker 2:well, and I, you know, I appreciate that the way you frame that up as well. I this is super interesting, you know, leading back to that idea of I think it was Jim Collins that said it the first time you know, like, what is the one thing that we can do that by doing it makes everything either easier or obsolete. And so when I'm looking for changes or to make some changes, I always think about that question what is the one thing I could do? Because I'm looking for changes or to make some changes, I always think about that question what is the one thing I could do? Because I'm already thinking, I'm like, I'm already busy, I'm busy enough, life is full, and you know, it doesn't matter how unful or unpacked I could make it. I could always, I mean, because that was part of my ego. I like telling people I'm so busy. I changed a long time ago. I don't say busy anymore, I say life is full, you know, but it's full by design. And so I've sort of shifted my perspective, my relationship with that, especially around time. But you know, for me it was recognizing what is one thing I can do that's going to start to make everything else better, make me feel better, make me think better, make me start to break down some of those barriers that I want to break down, and for me, it was fitness. That was it. It was me getting into my body, moving daily, you know, and also applying a little bit of meditation and breath work, you know. So those things combined, everything started to shift, because I started to feel better, my energy started to improve, I started to sleep better, I started to be less stressful, and being less stressful also meant I was less bombastic at times. Okay, because my emotions would get the better of me sometimes and it would just like, boom, come out of nowhere and I'd be, but, you know, and I always hated when I would get there, and so that was for me, that that first thing. And I like be, you know, and I always hated when I would get there, and so that was for me, that that first thing.
Speaker 2:And I like to invite men, you know, like your health, yes, you can start with fitness, because you know that, that foundation of health, I think we'll all agree. I mean I, people can argue me this until they're blue in the face, I don't care. I believe it's right, I'm right, you're wrong, sorry, but health is that foundation we need. Without health, I don't care how successful your business is, if you're not healthy, you're never going to enjoy everything to your greatest potential. You know you're never going to be able to have that relationship with others as deep as you possibly can if that relationship with your own health isn't already well established and founded.
Speaker 2:You know like, I know this to be a truth because I've experienced both ends of the spectrum. I've had help, I've lost help, I got it back and then I lost again. I have an autoimmune disease that's chronic. I have no neutrophils, that's. You know, my hematologist, like you should just live in a bubble during covid. I'm like, I'm not gonna live in a bubble, you know like, but I'm one of those people that's in a very compromised, immune, immune state, you know. And but it's okay, I, I've adapted, I've I've recognized. It's okay, I can live with this, I can still thrive within this, you know. And so it's perspective.
Speaker 2:But my perspective started to shift when I got back into my body and started just exercising frequently, you know like, just having a daily ritual of moving my body with purpose, and that was it. That was the one thing. And now, as my confidence improved and as I became more in tune with myself and started to expand on some of the work I was doing, having that inner conversation and reflection and introspection, you know, asking myself what do I really want with my life? Like what? What truly is happiness to me? What's going to make me fulfilled? What path is that that I should be following? I was never in a space to ask those questions and, to be fair, I was never asked those questions either by anybody.
Speaker 2:Based on the role models I had in my life at the time of the association, which was another part, you know, once I got into the fitness, started making the changes, started getting some help, I also recognized I had to change all of my association. All the people I was hanging out with uh, almost everybody, with the exception of some of my family uh, gone, like gone From the standpoint. I just chose to go down a different path and of course, I'll stay there. I'll have the relationship. I'm not like turning my back on them permanently. But I recognized I couldn't invest as much time and energy into those relationships anymore because it was pulling me a direction I didn't want to go. And so yeah, that's it. I mean sorry, it wasn't just one thing, but it was a combination of a few things. But it all started with my fitness Okay, my, my health.
Speaker 1:And you know this is interesting because they always say that you become a reflection of the seven most people that you hang out with the most.
Speaker 1:So the fact that you shifted, that you recognize that and that that for me that takes guts like that, takes a lot of self-worth and a lot of self-love to recognize that this is not healthy for me. And you know, I appreciate myself and my future and my, the kind of like outcome that I wish to create and align yourself with that consciously. And something else that you said that I love even more is, you said, move with purpose. That is, can you, I you know this is this can go in so many directions, because procrastination, whether it's business, career, health, whatever it is a project, procrastination is always that little gremlin that just comes out when you want to do it, when you decide you're going to do it, then we kind of like just it feels feels easier to procrastinate. Dive into for me a bit into this move with purpose. How can we start to do more of that and just kick procrastination to the curve?
Speaker 2:basically, well, procrastination is an interesting thing because, I mean, I find, most of the time we're we're, we are aware that we're procrastinating, you know, we're putting off that one thing that we've already said. I really shouldn't do that one thing, you know. And and yet we, we figure out other things and we prioritize those other things. About that, and and I, I know I am someone that does this and and and recognizing that in myself, I've also realized I've had to shift how I do certain things or how I have to recover and replenish Sometimes because my energy just isn't there and I find those certain tasks that I'm procrastinating on might require a certain amount of energy and focus and attention. And if I haven't been looking after myself you know my own self-care, my own mental health I find that it becomes easier and easier to procrastinate, you know. And so that, finding that, I realized, you know what I just got to start making some smaller commitments, but keep them and do them frequently. So frequency and consistency is critical and you know, anybody that's looking to make a lifestyle change, we know this very well. It's not like you sign up for gym membership. You go once and wow, this is healthy, right, Like it's. It's a compound effect over time and and I started to think what would be the minimal effective dose to try start providing the kind of results that I want to see in my life.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of a hacker that way, you know. I'm like I want to be very efficient with my time, because I do have this relationship with time and I, you know, it's partially due to the fact also, with my father's passing a few years ago, and I think it just I had this sense of mortality all of a sudden, right, you know, losing my first parent and for others that have lost parents, I'm sorry. I, I know it's never easy and, you know, not a day goes by. I don't think about my dad, but I think about that lesson that he imparted on me was this idea of time and just this awareness of how I want to spend my time, more invested and uh. So so the long and short here I'll just try to get right to the point uh, um, doing great when it comes to helpful.
Speaker 2:I was going to say, with the motivation piece you know it often comes we look for a motive, right, like what's the motive, what's the reason for doing it? I had to shift from doing external or as they call it, extrinsic goals, you know, to more intrinsic goals. So, looking at things that made me feel a certain way or think a certain way, and I started by just committing no matter what non-negotiable 15 minutes a day where I would move my body with purpose, and the purpose was to create a elevated heart rate, a little bit of a sweat. You know, 15 minutes a day is only 1% of 24 hours. 1% Okay, like.
Speaker 2:People are like, well, I don't have 15 minutes. I'm like, yes, you do, I know you got 15 minutes and but that's 15 minutes of continuous movement, doing certain types of movements to work my body, and that created such a positive emotional uplift. It was much easier to keep doing it because it was that instant feeling I got. And that's what became my motivation was the feeling and how I felt after a workout. And I always like to say this to clients or anybody who's going to listen to me you're only ever one workout away from feeling better. I've never. I mean, yvette, I don't know if you've ever heard this, but I've never had somebody tell me after a workout.
Speaker 2:You know what I really wish I didn't exercise today. I really wish, you know, I kind of regret going to the gym, I regret going outside for that hike today. Like we never say that we don't regret that, like so why don't we do more of it? There's a there's something to that, right, there's something to it. And same applies Like I'll encourage people like have a big healthy salad, put some lean protein on it, just make something that's like instagram photo worthy, that you're just like wanting to show off to the world and and eat that and see how good you feel after.
Speaker 2:I've never had someone say you know what I, you know that suggestion about having a nice big healthy salad, I really regret eating that. I get the opposite. I get people messing me like man, I felt so good all afternoon. I just felt great, I felt like I did something good for myself, you know, and so that's sort of where I go from, that, that idea of motivation versus inspiration, you know, and and the two are very tightly connected, obviously, but uh, that's sort of my play around that.
Speaker 1:I love that, and you know talk about play. I see that you're so. I mean, just looking at you and your history as well, you're fantastic at engaging with people. You know talk about play. I see that you're so. I mean, just looking at you and your history as well, you're fantastic at engaging with people. You know you just really connect really well with your audiences as well, and I want to dive a little bit into this talent that you have. How can other men in business also engage more with their audiences as well, whether it's social media or platforms, or how can they start to build that relationship, that connection and that I don't know. It's almost like this. There's not even a word for it. It's an experience, almost like. I think experience would would capture that the best.
Speaker 2:I like that, I like that framing that's uh, I, I had to have the relationship with myself again. I mean, really, it was during that period there, that one year I refer to as that Well, because I took the crutch away and then I had to learn how to walk again right, like without alcohol. I had to learn how to achieve what I wanted in life and deal with the stresses and the pains and the challenges in a healthier way. It in life, and deal with the stresses and the pains and the challenges in a healthier way. And so it was a wonderful year and I got such great results. In that year I was like what if I keep doing this, you know? And that that was the excitement and the motivation to keep doing. It was like I was like what else can I do, what else can I create, what else can I experience? And so it just sort of cemented my commitment to continuing down that path, you know.
Speaker 2:But the funny thing is is when you start to go down there, like you start to, at least I started to realize there was a lot of other things in my life that I feel were holding me back, you know.
Speaker 2:And like, speaking to that definition of success, right, like when I started going through these shifts, I started questioning well, why am I working to get the house, to get the car, to get the accolades, to get the recognition? Like, why am I putting all my value on myself, dependent on all these external things? And this is where I started to question the relationship with myself, you know, like my understanding of who I am and how I find value, or how I see the value in me, and you know, some people might call it self-love. I mean, there's lots of terms for this and I know this is your wheelhouse, this is what you do. So you, you have the language to best describe this. But if I, if I go with what I experienced and how I saw it, for me it was just I had to learn to enjoy spending time by myself.
Speaker 2:And and that was it. Like that's where I had to start, because once I did that and I started to realize, man, I actually like me, like I, I, I, I like me, you know, I, I know I have value to offer, I know I can help people, I know I can make an impact and I wanted to do that, you know, because it brings me fulfillment. I've been coaching and mentoring people since I was 17. And I always got so much value and fulfillment from it. It was like I want to do more of that.
Speaker 2:And I realized, because of that morbid obesity and that very formative years in my early childhood of being of that state of unhealth led to a lot of other emotional and psychological complications and especially how I valued myself.
Speaker 2:And I know that I was always looking to have that validation from others. Once I made those lifestyle changes and started to get healthy and I was looking for the accolades and I realized that that sort of spun me off into this sort of path, right, and when I started to peel back all the layers and trying to track back to how did I even get to where I am right now, like to get to this point? And I started to recognize some of the choices I made and the impacts those choices had, because, in understanding that, I was able to then better understand the path in front of me, you know, and the future choices I was going to make, or situations I would be wanting to put myself in, or and and so I sort of that's where it began and I realized, because of the social anxiety, I was really scared of speaking in front of people. It was so I was like well, I've got an impact to make. I want to speak in front of people, but how am I going to overcome this fear that I have?
Speaker 2:this challenge I have with public speaking. I'm naturally introverted. That's my natural state, but I work as an extrovert because I made this decision many years ago. I'm going to make an impact in people's lives, I'm going to help people, but I knew that I needed to grow my platform. I needed to be out there more. I needed I wanted it. Okay, I wanted it. Did I need it? No, of course I didn't need it. I mean, I didn't have to do that, but I wanted to do that no-transcript and they give you feedback. And so I submitted myself to that and it slowly eroded that fear and turned it into an excitement, you know, and and that was it Like after that happens and that took about 18 months of submitting myself to Toastmasters, to mentorship, to coaching, to being able to say, hey, I need some help with this, I'm really scared about doing this stuff and can you help me?
Speaker 1:And there was a whole group of people like yeah, of course, that's why we're here.
Speaker 2:I was like, wow, this is awesome and that's what sort of got things started, that that one decision to commit myself to toastmasters changed the trajectory of my life like night and day. Like would we be talking today? No, had I not made that commitment to myself to overcome this, this, this fear of speaking in front of people? Yeah, so, yeah, anyways, that's that, that's that's I mean. I don't know if that answers the question.
Speaker 2:I know it was quite long winded, but you asked me about this engagement piece and I was, like you know, I knew I always wanted to do it, but I I didn't have the confidence myself to do it, and so I had to go find a place to help me build the confidence in a safe way that I felt protected, I felt okay to make mistakes, I felt okay to ask for help, I felt okay to be vulnerable and be. You know, and once you find that man, the potential in all of us is immense. We're not even close to tapping into it, not even close, you know. And that's what gets me excited about life. It's like man, what are we going to do next as a species, as humanity? Right, we're already very resilient, but what's next? I mean holy. So anyway, sorry, I get excited about this stuff.
Speaker 1:It's wonderful because you get excited about it, because you know that it worked for you, it changed your life, and, of course, I would also get excited with especially things that work for me. I get excited too, and something that you said is fundamentally important here, and that is such a golden nugget moment as well amongst many of the ones that you already dropped for us, but this one is very important as well, and that is, if there's something that you perceive as being a challenge, find a solution or a space or a person or a support system where you feel safe, because that is where you allow yourself to just be, explore where the weaknesses is in a safe way, and then become resilient through the witness, compassionate witnesses and to build the, the confidence, or to build the systems or the internal systems or resources that you need to fulfill that, because this is something that I find a lot of men also do, that they overreact or they, they, they project anger because they come from a place of feeling unsafe, feeling insecure, feeling unsure, and it masks that insecurity. Because when we feel angry, of course now, it's really easy to say because when we feel angry, of course now, it's really easy to say no, when we feel angry now we feel powerful, but it's not a true, authentic sense of power, and that's what I like. What you've done there, you now consciously went. You know what, instead of fighting this fear, I'm going to actually move into it. I'm going to face it. I'm going to say I see you, I see you and now I'm going to tackle you, now I'm going to deal with this, instead of taking behaviors that moves you further away from that but that creates a false sense of confidence. And for me, this is real, true, authentic, learned confidence that sticks. Real, true, authentic, learned confidence that sticks.
Speaker 1:Because anger is always used, I find, and especially with men in business, because it gives them that boost, it gives them that adrenaline, it gives cortisol that like that, that shot of vodka, that shot of cortisol, and that becomes an association. So, what do I need in my life in order to feel stronger or confident? I need that cortisol. How did I access it last time I got angry? Okay. What do I need in my life in order to feel stronger or confident? I need that cortisol. How did I access it last time I got angry? Okay, what in my environment right now is making me angry?
Speaker 1:And that's why a lot of people who do have anger problems, they only see things in their life that agitates them, because now they focus and zone in on that, and what I'm seeing you're doing with that pattern is that you're breaking it by just going. You know what I am now with other people, and this is also what I see that you did. I went now with other people who I can relate to, because what we don't like and even with me, we don't like to stand out with our weaknesses but now we're in a room with people who also share that fear. They understand there is no shame, there is no ego there, and I love that you created that platform and that space for you to move into, because this is something that is so fundamentally important for men as well.
Speaker 1:So, guys, I hope that you were listening to that, because that that moment was pivotal. That really, really important there is to seek out people who you can relate to, because the more relatable our environment is, the more we can connect to that, the more we let our guards down, because now there's nothing to feel defensive of, there's nothing to feel fearful of. So I really like how you did that and what I want to ask you as well is so, when we look at this public speaking, which you're really really good at right now as well, has it always been also easy for you to connect to your audience as well, because connection is also very important? That's very, very important.
Speaker 2:Well, I think yeah, but it's also a skill you can learn. You know, you can learn how to connect like more effectively. I mean just making eye contact, sharing a smile, uncrossing or unfurling of the arms, right, there's some basic things. I mean, who was it that wrote? Was it? Oh my gosh, I'm drawing a blank on the book, but you know how to win friends and influence people. Was it dale carnegie, like 100 years ago, wrote that book? But?
Speaker 2:But he talks about basic ways of trying to effectively create that relationship, right, or connection. And you know, right down to the basic bolts of just body language, you know, because a lot of language is communicated outside of the words, right, but 93 of it, according to science, is based on the actual actions and the way we say it, not necessarily what we're saying. And when we start to really realize that, which I did, was I realized that I can use my physicality, I can use my facial expressions, I can use my arms, my hand gestures, I can really use my whole body and energy to try to break down some of the barriers that I was experiencing with other people, because I'm six foot one, about 210 pounds, pretty thick guy. The one thing I used to hear all the time from people, was it kind of intimidated. I was like I'm intimidating, really, like and I think I was perpetuating that persona as well because of that fear. As a kid, when I used to get bullied, I was like, well, I want to be the guy that nobody wants to bully anymore, you know. And and that also committed me to fitness and getting stronger and fitter and got me into martial arts and a bunch of other stuff too, you know. And because it was my way of protecting myself, feeling strong and protected and safe, and. But I also realized it was limiting my ability to connect with people. And so just those basic little things like those are some telltale ones, and I mean other ways. It's just do you really want to connect with people? Because once I started to do it and just follow a couple of these things, I realized that people were engaging back. People were happy to have the conversation, to share a couple words, you know.
Speaker 2:And if you look at social media, you know when I started showing up on social more as my authentic self, not afraid of whatever comes, you know, I'm just like I'm here to serve, I'm here to add value to people's lives. That's how I look at social media. It's a tool to elevate us. All you know, share our experiences so we can learn from one another. I mean, to me it's a great tool to connect with. Unfortunately, it's not always used that way right. And look at how we connected right, like a prime example, all the people around the summit you got here through social media of some sort an email list.
Speaker 2:You know it's that it's amazing tools when we use them as such, and so anyways yeah, that would be the biggest part that I would like to to to sort of share with anybody that's listening to this, watching this, you know, is that idea of embracing the ability to connect with your whole physicality, your whole being, and because when you connect with people from an energetic place like oh it's, you can get to being very real with one another very quickly. And I know, you know this very well, because like I said earlier, this is your real life.
Speaker 2:This is what you do. So I I know that that, uh, you're very much in tune with the metaphysical side of things. So yeah.
Speaker 1:So I want to hear from you as well, because you seem like someone that you know. Because of the mistakes that you've made, you've learned how to build a life of balance. What kind of rituals do you have or habits that you have that really supports you and sustains you when things might be getting stressful in your life, whether and especially in business? Because I know that even for me I'm not a man, but even for me, like any normal human, like if your business is wobbling or if there's stress, it just pours over into all aspects of your life what did you do during moments where your business was maybe just overly stressful, or maybe there was loss, or maybe there was something just going on that just threw you? How did you stay balanced and grounded during those moments?
Speaker 2:Well, that's where I relied on certain habits that I knew could provide me with an instant shift in my energy, and what I mean by that is going from more of a negative energy to a positive energy. And so when I would recognize the more negative energy that I would accumulate or get into that situation where I felt negative, that's where it became easier to procrastinate. It became easier not to have the tough conversations. You know like I was avoiding those because I wasn't in a good energy place. You know I didn't want to do that stuff and so I would avoid it at all costs. So, even to the point where you know I would make myself sick with worry and anxiety and stress, and you know there's nothing physically wrong with me, but but psychologically I felt sick, you know I did. And it can manifest symptoms, you know, like quite literally, to avoid those situations. And when you, when I became really hyper aware of that, you know I just just said I got to rely back on just doing some basic things, like nothing over complicated, because it had to be easy and had to be accessible no matter what, like as soon as I would have to count on something else, like if it involved I had to go to the gym to get my workout in. Well, what happens if I'm traveling? I don't have access to a gym? Well, that it's not going to. What do I take those days off? I just avoid that one habit that's brought me so much of this great fulfillment in my life. No, so I learned ways to, to, to work my body as the best piece of equipment I got, and I got it for the rest of my life. So I'm like you know, when I embraced that I'm raceable, how do I learn to use my body effectively with just body weight movements to produce the results and the emotional connection I want with my body? Boom, that was it and so.
Speaker 2:But for me, in those high states of stress moments, getting out for a 30 minute walk I get outside, rain or shine, doesn't matter the weather conditions. I grab an umbrella. I live in Western Canada, vancouver, bc it's the Pacific Northwest for those in North America and it's a rainforest, okay, of sorts. It's just not your traditional tropical rainforest, it's very different. But it rains a lot here, okay. And so I embrace the rain, I go out with an umbrella, but I get out for a 30-minute walk and breathe in some nice fresh air and take in some sites, and I often will listen to something positive. It could be a positive summit like this, it could be a podcast, you know, it could be an audio book.
Speaker 2:Either way, I very purposefully choose positive inputs, because positive in often relates to positive out, which goes right back down to business, the basic fundamentals of business. You know, we have certain systems and ways that we do things and we buy things. We bring them in and then we put them out. You control and you modify the inputs to then influence and ultimately manipulate the outputs you want to. There's kind of a scientific method to it.
Speaker 2:You know, like a business isn't rocket science, like at the end of the day, it's often based on relationships. So if you get really good at just understanding relationships I don't know how you define success, but you'll be successful, you know, because people like to do business with people that they like, that they feel connected to, they feel on the same wavelength or they feel like there's value being added to their life. So so those are sort of those, those pieces. But the daily walk man, especially during COVID, I'll tell you that one thing has helped so much. You know, with the exception, we had a period where we were locked down and we had a very small radius of places to walk.
Speaker 1:I still made it work, you know, but just getting out for that 30 minutes changes everything Different and it's so spot on what you said, because you know just that doing something different break state.
Speaker 1:You know, because when you you're thinking of now, I need to walk now. And you know you're exposing yourself to a different environment and that is very, very important, because people who become workaholics as well they're in the office, they have like a really rock solid set routine and they stay in that routine and it's hard sometimes to break that routine. And a great way to do that is something so simple as just going for a walk, because we always think that things have to be complicated. We need something really mind-blowingly wild to help us to feel better and it's like no, it's not, it's, it's basic. You know activities that we can adapt to to just break that state, because what you want to do at the end of the day is to just to change your thought patterning.
Speaker 1:And what can you do to change your thought patterning in a positive way? Get out, because our mitochondria, the body, actually reacts to the color green. So you have a forest. So the more you see green, the more energized your cells starts to feel, because they're responsible for the nucleus health, and the nucleus also determines a big part of your body's health and your state nucleus health, and the nucleus also determines a big part of your body's health in your state. So just what you're doing is you're automatically intuitive feeling drawn to that and to just be around the green and you're very spoiled with that. But for those of you who don't even have that and when I was living in cities like I was in australia, I was in sydney and sometimes you live in these concrete jungles what I actually had was on my ipad. I love david Attenborough. I love this guy like if I could have, like the divine dad, I would have loved to have him with that soothing voice.
Speaker 1:It's just this, his voice is just so soothing and I would actually have him and the planet earth series just playing and just seeing nature and I actually found the impact that that already had on me when I didn't have the capacity to go for a walk just to create something that creates change change environment, change of thought patterns. It's so important you have to.
Speaker 2:You know what you, you touched on this event also, that just the cortisol piece, because I, I think, being a man that's 45 now I recognized a lot of years ago I had a big imbalance, especially when I went through burnout. You know adrenal fatigue, all that good stuff that happens. It was almost like a badge of honor, right, like as I was scaling up my business, I got burnout. Yeah, I'm part of the club now and I'm like, well, this is the stupidest thing to celebrate ever. And, to the point, because of my autoimmune issue I was actually hospitalized for it. You know, like brutal, like cause, my immune system just totally crashed. It was already compromised and it just crashed and away I went.
Speaker 2:But not to digress, but this cortisol conversation that you just, you know you planted some seeds there earlier on, talking about just some of the things that we do does create cortisol. Cortisol is a good hormone, but not when we have too much and not when we're not regulating it. A lot of guys I'm not going to say all guys, but most men are dealing with a lot of cortisol. So the point that you know the easiest way to tell, like if there's a guy out there and he's listening to this like if you have the extra little bit of weight around the waist. It's like no matter what you do, it doesn't matter how healthy you try to be, it just doesn't go away. Cortisol you know you've got a lot of cortisol and you're not regulating it, so you're. I would look at your sleep patterns how much REM sleep you get, sleep again, how much water you do drink, how much exercise. Like this is where you really look at your lifestyle. But I'll tell you, by getting your cortisol into a regular, you know, regulating it again the healthy way, everything will shift, especially just your internal energy, because your system starts to work better. It's less taxed.
Speaker 2:You recover, you know you actually recover, like when you take rest. Like you know, some people get the weekends off right, and by Monday they're more tired than they were, you know, after getting a break, and it's like well, didn't you have the weekend to rest? Well, no, I slept all week and I still feel tired. Ah, hello, you know. So there's one little tip I want to offer people and I'll turn it back is for learn to start measuring HRV heart rate variability. I won't go into too much detail on that. I've got some links, I'll share them with you. You've had just some articles on my website that talks about heart rate variability, but if men start to learn how to monitor that, it's going to let you know when your central nervous system is overtaxed, under recovered, and that's usually a direct correlation to also having too much cortisol.
Speaker 2:And it's one simple thing that people can test on themselves every day, like my apple watch does it every day. I can monitor at any point in the day and see what my hrv is at. When it's at a high number, I always feel great, I feel like I can go work out, I feel like I can have those tough conversations. But when it's really low, I'm like you know, that tough conversation I wanted to have with so-and-so, I'm going to put it off till tomorrow, you know, and you can start to make better decisions, and this is important as a business owner. You know, not only just being a man, but being someone that makes big, high-level decisions every day. You got to be in your best frame of mind, but to be that, you got to be in your best physical frame as well, and so there's a tight correlation between you. Anyways, I felt like I had to say that because I know that, yeah, anyways, I wanted to say that.
Speaker 1:That's fantastic and, you know, I was even thinking you know what you should even do with your branding like you can actually get your own health watch based on your, your diet and nutritional programming. You know, I love this, these ideas and everything that you bring into it, like how to really optimize your life as a man, in business and in your life and relationships as well, and because you touched on something really important and, guys, I hope that you're listening because don't make a decision when you are in a certain state where you don't feel as strong, because our emotional state determines what we feel that we can deal with. And sometimes we actually try to push beyond that barrier. Because one thing that I see with men is a pattern is that, even though they do feel tired, they actually see it as a challenge. They see it as a challenge that needs to be overcome. I have a block, I'm going to exterminate that block, but actually that's the body saying no, I, I just need some downtime. And this is where the self-love comes in.
Speaker 1:Men seem to think that self-love is like no, that's too feminine. Well, sorry, you're 50 feminine and 50 masculine. Your hormones decided that for you, not you, your hormones, and we have to sometimes allow that softness just to come in a little bit and to feel that sense of nurturing from within. It's an internal, no one has to see it, it's no one's business, it's an internal feeling. Where you just go, you know what I need to go to the sauna today, I need to just go into the cold pool and the hot pool and sit in the sauna for just two hours and read my Kindle and relax. You know, this is something that is beautiful for the vagus nerve, because it calms down the vagus nerve and if the vagus nerve is calmed down, the amygdala, your panic button, your inner four-year-old starts to settle and it goes oh, everything is okay.
Speaker 1:Because ultimately and you know this as well all the body wants and especially for men is to feel safe. Yeah, and people will go to extreme lengths to find that place of safety. And sometimes we associate money with safety, we associate big cars, big houses with safety. But safety is an internal state, because if you have that internal state, your environment can be an afterton, tornado, shit show, but you're not gonna care because you have that inner equilibrium, you have that balance within that's so well said about it like spot on, spot on you inspired me to kind of like you know, I listen to what you say and I try to bring the dots together like what is it that you're bringing together in terms of the message as well?
Speaker 1:because it's so powerful what you said and it's tremendously important that I just try to bring the dots together Like what is it that we're bringing together in terms of the message as well? Because it's so powerful what you said and it's tremendously important that I just wanted to bring a little bit more of emphasis on that, because this is one of many amazing tips that you shared today that should absolutely not be missed and not be skipped as well, and I know that you are a busy man because you're wildly successful.
Speaker 2:No, I'm full, I'm full, I'm full.
Speaker 1:I'm full Back back back, back back Full. So tell me, and before I let you go, is there one piece of advice or insight or even just word of motivation that you can share with any guy that's out there right now. That's maybe just feeling I call it like the blah state, like you're just feeling a bit blah in your life, like just in your business and maybe in your relationship, wherever it is. You're just feeling a bit of blah, like how can we-. Languishing, I don't know if you heard that term languishing.
Speaker 2:But if you Google languishing, there's a great article in New york times and, uh, it inspired me to write a couple articles my side about the term. But it's exactly what you're saying and I think a lot of us have been feeling that way, where it's like, you know, on paper everything looks great and meanwhile we don't feel like it's great, you know, and and things aren't bad. They're not great, but we're just like, yeah, you know. And when you get to that place and listen, I've been there, okay, I've hung out there for a while, all right, and it's not a place I want to live, but I've been there long enough to know I don't want to go back or I'm going to be work on my resiliency, naturally, that you know, if I get there, I can bounce back a lot more quickly, I can get back to where I am. And for me, it was recognizing that I needed to find a community of others that was experiencing something similar, but not only experiencing something similar, but were actively looking to get away from that, to get back to a place where they feel more connected, more grounded, more excited about life. You know, and and that was necessary I needed that community element, you know, because that's what allowed me, on the tough days, to to, to have somebody to talk to. You know, a community to connect with.
Speaker 2:I'm a member of a number of men's groups and that's I use that as a prime example. It's just, it's wonderful to know that there's this community of unconditional understanding and connection. You know where, where we can share what's alive and real for us but, at the same time, not have any fear of being judged for that, for being that open for experiencing, for sharing what we're experiencing, our truths, and yet having that empathetic ear, that empathetic eye, that empathetic nod. You know, even in our groups we use hand gestures because we don't want to interrupt people's flow when they're talking or sharing. You know, hand over heart, right pound to the chest, simple hands up if you're feeling. You know I can relate to what you're saying. I get you know like and just that like when I'm sharing something that's really challenging for me and my men's group and I can see like a dozen other guys on the other side touching their heart. I know they're empathizing, they're connected with me, they're saying, guy, it's okay, you're not alone. Yeah, that, yeah, yeah, we have a bunch of them.
Speaker 2:I, when I was living in bali. I lived in bali for two and a half years. We started a group there because I recognized I was lacking that in my life. I wanted other men that were on a similar wavelength, that wanted similar things, but wanted to find the community people. Yeah, it's called mentorship mondays, capital m-e-n men mentorship mondays, because we usually do our meetings on mond evenings, and uh so we, we have them on zoom.
Speaker 2:We have one in Europe, one in Southeast Asia, uh, two in North America, um so, and one in Bali, still, that meets in person, um, but, uh, yeah, I, I love it. It's all free. There's no hidden agenda here. It's just a way to bring like-minded men together, to to have that experience of what it's like to be vulnerable with another man, without him. You know, feeling like that's gonna be used against you. You know, or or or. You know to to realize that vulnerability, being raw and real, is actually a strength and not a weakness. You know, um, because I'll tell you, my relationship with the term vulnerability was very different. You know, I I saw it as a weakness. I was like you don't be vulnerable, you don't cry in front of people, you don't tell them how you're feeling. You know like wow, that stuff, no, you don't talk about that, and jeez uh.
Speaker 1:Anyways, I digress, I'm going way off topic here, but I think it's part of the same conversation, anyways, because what you just said there, basically, you know, is value your health and your future enough not to be distracted by the bullshit. But you know, really, that's just, that's really what I'm hearing that you're saying that comes down to because I always believe that every decision that I make and I and I'm starting this now for the past three months that every decision that I make that I feel needs to require me to be conscious, aware of certain ramifications, I always think what can I do right now, or how can I act right now that my future self will be thankful for, and I've noticed this has made a tremendously big impact for me, like you said, not to get caught up with the emotions, yes, to allow yourself. Well, okay, this is how I'm feeling. And when we're in a state of that vulnerability that you just so deeply touched on, emotions become heightened, because then a man, I find, especially, goes now into that state of defense, and that's where things can go wrong, because you're going to a state of needing to protect and it's not bad intent, it's just a need to protect. But how I protect, sometimes that's where we lose the control, because it is a very uncomfortable state to be in and it's so powerful what you shared there with all of us here.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for that. So I know that you're wildly fulfilled and you're busy and you're doing fabulous, and I can see it's night time there for you. Well, I think there's like a 10 hour, 12 hour difference here between us, because you're there in Canada, I'm here in Bali. So I do want to thank you for your love, your time, your energy and everything you're pouring into men's lives and their hearts, and also their business, their careers, their health, because you're touching people everywhere, even though you don't even see it, and you're a mover, a shaker, and it's wonderful that we have people such as yourself who is out there changing people's lives, because we need it right now more than ever. So thank you for everything that you do and thank you for being here on the summit and joining me as well and all the other men that's going to be benefiting from this. Thank you so, so much, yvette thank you and listen.
Speaker 2:I want to acknowledge you too. I thank you so so much, yvette. Thank you and listen, I want to acknowledge you too. I thank you for putting this together. Thank you for you listening to whatever signs presenting themselves in front of you for this to happen. Thank you for listening and making it happen, because these conversations had I had access to these 10-15 years whoa, I just thinking about what I could have done, right, but hey, no better time than now, as Confucius always says, what's the best time to plant a tree? Well, 20 years ago, right now. So I feel very grateful and very privileged and honored to have been here today, to spend this time with you and to be part of the summits. Thank you for for making it happen and sharing this with us.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. And so, guys, there you have it, and I would highly recommend that you watch this interview again a little bit later, because you will see that you're going to be filtering and taking in even more information, because we shared so much greatness in here. And have an amazing time and see you next time.