Heal Within with Dr. Evette Rose
Hi, I am Dr. Evette Rose, a Holistic Counsellor, Ph.D., MBA, and Author of 21 books, Mental Health and Trauma Recovery Therapist. Join my weekly updated holistic content where I host Mini Masterclasses, and meditations and discuss overcoming life challenges, healing work, business, depression, anxiety, happiness, divorce, relationships, finances, boundaries & trauma.
Plenty of my discussions are based on my book Metaphysical Anatomy Volume One maps over 722 physical ailments to their underlying emotional, psychological, and trauma-based root causes. It has become a global resource for those seeking to understand how their nervous system, subconscious, and emotional patterns influence long-term health. You will love this book and our Metapsychology Coaching Techniques!
Website: www.metaphysicalanatomy.com
Books: www.evettebooks.com
Heal Within with Dr. Evette Rose
Season 9 - Episode 77 - Re-igniting Your Confidence | Dr. Evette Rose and Will Polston
Ever felt stuck in a fog of uncertainty, unsure of your next step forward? That clarity you're missing might be the key to everything.
In this enlightening conversation, business strategist and performance coach Will Paulson reveals why clarity is the essential foundation for confidence and success. Drawing from his experience coaching over 2,000 entrepreneurs and clocking 3,500+ coaching hours, Will shares how the simple shift from seeing life as happening "to you" to happening "for you" can transform your entire approach to challenges.
The discussion dives deep into why so many of us resist taking action even when we know we should. Will breaks down the difference between external motivation and internal inspiration, explaining why tasks we "should" do drain us while things we "choose" to do energize us. His practical framework for aligning actions with your true values unlocks a renewable source of energy that makes progress feel natural rather than forced.
You'll discover the Japanese concept of Ikigai—finding your "reason for being" at the intersection of passion, talent, purpose, and livelihood—and a simple 15-minute exercise to clarify your vision. Will also shares his counterintuitive approach to time management (spoiler: it doesn't exist) and how to delegate effectively without perfectionism holding you back.
Whether you're rebuilding after pandemic disruptions or seeking greater fulfillment, this conversation offers both the mindset shifts and practical tools to move from clarity to confident action. Listen now and learn how to make intelligent choices aligned with your deepest values rather than others' expectations.
Ready to feel that life-changing moment of clarity for yourself? Connect with Will's Evolve Network community of positive, growth-minded individuals and continue your journey with like-minded supporters.
Thank you for watching so hi everyone.
Speaker 2:Yvette rose here and welcome to Reset your Life Summit here with me and guys, I'm so excited to have an amazing guest speaker here with me today. Today we have Will Paulson. Will. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 3:It's an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to it. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Me too, and so, guys, you know I'm sure most of you here also know Will, but he's also one of the UK's leading business strategists and also performance coaches. He's also a member of the International Coach Federation and in the last five years, he's worked with more than 2000 business owners and also entrepreneurs, clocking up more than 300, what is it 300,? 3500 hours Goodness, that's a lot. Will 101 coaching hours and he's also a very well-respected keynote speaker. He's also a Huffington Post author and a TEDx speaker. He's a company owner, owner of make it happen, and in 2016, he was also a finalist for the coach of the year at the association of professional coaches, trainers and consultant awards. And, last but not least, he even has an airplane pilot license. Well, I'm always seeing you flying around on facebook. It's amazing. Thank you so much for being here. I know you're a busy man, so I'm really honored that you know you put this time aside for us. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:It's an absolute pleasure. I'm really looking forward to it and uh and yeah, what a phenomenal summit you put together, so it's a privilege to be a part of it thank you so much.
Speaker 2:So well, you know, with the way that life has changed, I'm sure your business structure has changed, mine absolutely has changed and also being a coach such as yourself, being a speaker, everything has gone online and the way that we and the way that we approach business, the way that we approach life I mean even our relationships, even our relationship with ourselves have changed so drastically and I've seen that we have to really come up with new, innovative ways. That even surprises me to this day where I'm thinking, wow, look at the creativity of what people are coming up with when there's a problem. But, as you know, you know COVID has been going on for so long and lockdown has been going on for so long that we kind of get stuck in coping strategies, we kind of get stuck in a state of patterns and cycles. And one thing that I've noticed here, because there's so much fear around you know the conspiracy around the stress that's been going on, you know just the absolute loss of income for some people and and just you know, people just feeling a sense of loss that we've lost our ability to be and feel clear in our lives. We lost the not really lost, it's just more suppressed because of stress. You know, when we're all stressed, we can't really think straight and we've been all in a state of distress for such a long period of time.
Speaker 2:And one thing that you said that strike me really. You know, that was very untrue for me, that I kind of was like, yeah, I kind of lost a bit of touch with that during this time of luck and are now coming out of that, and that's clarity. That is about being clear once again about where it is that we want to move to and go to in our lives, because everything has been about survival but now we're slowly starting to click back into a normal sense of civilization well, at least to a certain degree. And what, in your opinion, in terms of you know, would you say that clarity is important and why we need to reconnect back to that in today's time?
Speaker 3:What an incredible question to start with. So one of the things that I've done about for many, many years, like yourself, is I've studied lots of different modalities. You know everything from neurolinguistic programming to stoicism, to quantum physics and metaphysics, and lots and lots and lots of different modalities, and one of the things that I always try to do is simplify everything down the best way I can. And in my experience, what, what I found is that it it always starts with clarity. You know, it always starts with clarity. That's clarity of thinking, clarity of direction and for what? Whilst the, the goal may um. Well, if you get clear on your, your ultimate goal, the, the actual route to get there may change, and that's, I mean, a prime example over the last couple of years.
Speaker 3:I'm a big believer if you set your goals in stone and your methods in sand, then you you'll live a? Um, a much, much more harmonious life, and I think it really, really is key. So for me, when we break it down, for me, clarity creates certainty. Certainty creates confidence. Now, a lot of people they've said they felt fearful, they've not felt confident, they're uncertain of what the terrain's gonna look like and, in my opinion, a lot of the time that's because they haven't got clarity. Now that might be short term clarity If you imagine a snow globe, for example. You take a snow globe and you shaketerm clarity for ourselves, which might mean a tactical change of direction to then be able to move forward and progress. Yeah, I think it's hugely important, hugely important.
Speaker 2:Because one thing that I love, that I know about you as well, is that from a very young age, like I really want to kind of like dissect your brain because you're so brilliant at what you do. It's almost like what I'm seeing is is a is a very positive pattern for you. It's like whatever you do, whatever you set your mind to, it succeeds. You seem to just do really well at whatever it is that you want to do. And something that really striked me also is that you already had the sense of just needing to have clarity about something before you actually take action.
Speaker 2:Because from a young age, you know, there was a part of you that had a sense of clarity, of knowing I want to be successful, not necessarily pinpointing exactly what it is, but just feeling that feeling of the wish fulfilled, of being successful. And what you did was I can only imagine is that you felt that feeling and you're thinking how do I gain more clarity in relationship to this feeling of success? How do I achieve that? And I can almost see you as this little kid looking around at other successful people and then thinking what are their mindsets like? How do they create success? What do they do to get to where they need to be, and what can I copy of that?
Speaker 2:This is kind of like from an early age, you just knew that, and what I would love to hear from you is what can you say to someone who is feeling a little bit like I know I need clarity, but I'm so stuck in a state of distress. Is there something that you can share with them that you went through yourself when you were a child, like tips and techniques, perspectives and approaches that you had to really dive into this? You know, feeling the feeling of the wish fulfilled and then going for it, but finding the steps and breaking it down in terms of how do I get to the feeling that I have and then applying the knowledge to get me to that place, that end destination.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a great question. It's so funny you picked up on that. So I suppose, where I like so many people, their journey, the catalyst for it is a form of pain of some sort. You know, when you go back to childhood. In a lot of instances that's the case.
Speaker 3:Now, what was quite unique for me was that growing up I had a belief that money equaled happiness. So I went off on a tangent to make as much money as I could as early as I could, and the reason for that was I've got two very wealthy uncles. One of my uncles is a billionaire, the other one's a multi-multi-millionaire. And one of the things I always remember growing up was my dad saying they just got lucky. So that was his excuse they just got lucky, they just got lucky. Anyway, long story short, one day I came home from school I was about 11 years old. My dad had quit his job to set up a business one of my uncles that never ended up doing anything, never ended up getting started. My dad had already left his job. He ended up falling into a depression. And all the stereotypical stuff steps in separate rooms. My mom curtain shut all day, didn't leave the house, all the usual stuff.
Speaker 3:Now, 11 years old, I started to connect the dots on well, uncle Mark, he's a billionaire, he's really happy. There's uncle Steve he's a multi-millionaire, he's really happy. There's dad when he worked in London right, he's a billionaire, he's really happy. There's uncle steve he's a multi-millionaire, he's really happy. There's dad when he worked in london right, he's stressed and frustrated, but he's a lot happier than he is now. Well, for me it's obvious, money equals happiness. So that was my first experience of modeling other people, connecting the dots and saying well, and just basically creating an assumption and and going off on a trajectory, and that that was the very first experience that I had of setting my mind to things. And what I had heard growing up was about my uncle, who's gone on to do very, very well. He literally started selling t-shirts on Venice Beach and then went on and on and on and on. So he's got really quite an entrepreneurial story and that was one of my big inspirations. So it very much was having those people around me as inspiration that that took me off on the tangent now fast forward, sort of 12 plus years later. Then I had my big realization and realized it was nothing to do with money, it was never to do with money, it was also my dad, how my dad hadn't achieved certain things he was capable of and the impact that had on me, and that's kind of led me to doing the work that I do now. But um have, having that role model around me was, was, was definitely something that influenced me, for sure.
Speaker 3:And in relation to your question around well, how else can people um, how else can people surround themselves with people? One of the best things that you can do is surround yourself with people. If you haven't got people that are in your immediate family, or even people in your local area, then there's these wonderful resources called books. You know where you get to spend. You can spend um some.
Speaker 3:Some learn so much from someone by reading their autobiography, by listening to them on podcasts, watching them on youtube. You can surround yourself with these people and be influenced in in that respect. To start to learn how they think because that is exactly what I've become obsessed with is not only do what people do in terms of their actions, but what is it that's going on between their ears? That means they take the actions they do, that means they make the decisions that they do and that, for me, has become part of my lifelong quest of learning from people that influence me, that I admire and trust, and I look to learn the process of thinking that they have, so that I can just apply that little bit to me and I can adopt some of that way of thinking that just enables me to become a better version of me, and then obviously share that with my clients too.
Speaker 2:I love that. That's actually really, really insightful. So and and how did you do that? Like I know for me sometimes, when I when I was thinking of, like reading a book and you know, trying to look at someone who is successful and taking the traits that some people have, what I see sometimes a lot of people do is they will try to copy someone who they deeply admire, but sometimes it's traits that they cannot identify really with. They can't really relate to it, so it's almost like they try to box them into trying to becoming someone that they're not. But what I'm hearing from you is that you actually went with the traits that felt good to you, the ones that made you feel you, the ones that made you feel powerful, the ones that made you feel stronger, that you felt. I can actually run with this concept. I can run with this type of mindset. I can run with this type of approach.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think, as years have gone on, I've understood it a little bit more, and there's a number of universal laws, and one of the universal laws is the, the universal law of reflection and transparency. So whatever we see in other people, we see in ourselves, right, so what? What I'm I'm aware of now is that if I'm looking at someone that I admire, so I don't know, I admire whoever the person might be. What? What it actually is is there's certain traits and characteristics of that person that I'm being too humble to acknowledge in myself, that are in them. So there's a process that we can work through to realize that, but it acts as a really powerful awareness tool to look at that person and go, wow, yeah, I'm, I'm.
Speaker 3:And when you do this process and you, you realize these things, then what it does is it brings you up to an even playing field.
Speaker 3:Now, it may be different quantitatively and qualitatively, but every, in every instance I've ever done this. When people do it, profound things happen, because no longer are they, because, but, but by um, by just the default. If you're putting someone on a pedestal, you're putting yourself below them. So for as long as you stay below them, then you're going to keep yourself in that space, whereas when you see yourselves as equal and actually see some of their drawbacks because everybody's got drawbacks right, there's no one-sidedness we see their drawbacks, we see their, their maybe negative traits that we've been blind to in the past because we've been infatuated with them then we can bring ourselves to an even, even playing field and it's um, it's a really humbling process to do. Now. What's also really interesting is the opposite works as well. So if there's someone that you don't like and there's someone that you're judging, then you can do the same process, which can also be equally powerful wow, wow, that was actually powerful.
Speaker 2:I never actually thought about that, because now I also understand why you said that. You deeply, you know, felt that moment when Tony Roberts also talked about, when he was, you know, in his low moment, and there was a part of you that almost like I think there was something that you said there that striked me quite um, it was quite an emotional tone there for me in the sense of relating deeply to that point in time where he was in that life. What, what was it that was so significant for you?
Speaker 3:yeah, so. So what I refer to as my lightning moment was I was at a Tony Robbins event, upw 2013. And he was when he was sharing the Thanksgiving story. And if you're not familiar with the Tony Robbins Thanksgiving story, go and check it out on YouTube. You can watch the full video. It's about 15 minutes long, but the long the the short version of it is that. So this spoiler alert I'm going to share it is that he?
Speaker 3:Um one Thanksgiving he was at home, he was a child and a stranger knocked at the door with a Thanksgiving dinner because his dad couldn't afford to give them Thanksgiving dinner. And when they opened the door, tony opened the door and he said look, I've got some Thanksgiving dinner for you here. Um, we understand that you, you haven't got dinner and this is from a stranger. So he ran and grabbed his dad and his dad come to the door and his dad tried to slam the door in the the stranger's face, said we don't accept charity. And then, from memory, what then happened was, um, his, his dad left, and it must have been from embarrassment or whatever else he decided to leave and then and that was a pivotal moment in in Tony's life now what I heard when that happened was my dad, so that it was a form of metaphor for me, if you like, because what I heard was my dad always said they just got lucky. So that excuse that we don't accept charity for my dad was they just got lucky. So my dad always said about my uncles but they just got lucky, they just got lucky. That was his excuse for not being able to have the life that he would have maybe liked to have had.
Speaker 3:And it was in that moment, that exact moment, that I was like wow, tony, that was part of the reason, one of the catalysts that Tony's gone on to do what he's done. It was the origin story of Basket Brigade, which has literally fed millions of people around the world. And I remember thinking to myself wow, if that moment was so similar to my moment and Tony going and having the impact that he's having on the world because of that, then I could look at doing something similar. So it was such a profound experience nine years ago, whatever it was, and from that moment on, life has never been the same. It completely altered the trajectory of my life. That 15 minute story, having that moment on life has never been the same. It completely altered the trajectory of my life. That 15-minute story, having that moment, crying my eyes out for about 15 minutes that then sent me off on that different trajectory.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I really felt that, even though it was tight, I really felt that emotion in that explanation that you added there and I really wanted to go a bit into that. That's really powerful. And so another part also here that I wanted to talk to you about you know also kind of like how you were leading up to you know how you related to Tony in that way and you know the incident with dad. So you progressed and you continued, you know, to study other people and to follow your path, but at the age of 23, that is when you actually identified your ultimate goal in life and that you wanted to help as many people as possible by getting them to really unlock their full potential and how to help them to make it happen.
Speaker 2:What was that moment like for you? Because so many of us have lost our feeling and connectedness to what is our purpose, what is our ultimate goal, and almost like I feel like we need to backtrack a little bit and connect back to our emotions, connect back to the mental awareness, mindfully live more mindfully to recognize wow, this is it, and it's not just a fleeting fantasy, but this can actually become my reality. What is it in that moment that really grabbed your attention and made you realize this is it so it comes back to that word that we started talking about, which was clarity.
Speaker 3:So in that moment I've only had two of them, really that have been that that powerful was. It was like the best way I can describe it was, like, you know, in movies, when the clouds part and the sun sort of beams down on people. It was it was like that on steroids. And it was this moment of clarity where just every, every, it was almost like the dots joined up. I could see perfectly clear, moving forward. Everything was crystal clear, and I I call it inspired thought, because that that inspired thought released a rush of energy that, like I said, I've only experienced that on a handful of times in my whole life.
Speaker 3:So that that was where I kind of just knew this, this is a, this isn't just a normal fleeting idea, this is, it's, it's a thought that's charged with so much energy. I just need to act on it. And it was a right, a knowing that's the only way I can describe. It was a knowing, and and in over years, I've, I've, I've become, I suppose, more skillful at helping people create these moments. And it's when the, the, when the alignment comes in to play, and people, via appropriate question. I call it strategic intervention, which is just a couple of fancy words for questions that get people thinking in a particular way. Then, all of a sudden, they have these realizations and the unconscious becomes conscious and people can can move forward and in that way, so yeah I love that because that ultimately, is also about leading into how intelligent action leads to fulfillment.
Speaker 2:Because when you have this urge, when you have what I would call like this push right, you felt that that jolt of energy and this excitement like your body was bracing itself to take action and you had that clarity. But then it also requires to have, you know, clarity and sense of the next steps, the goals it is, that you're going to take.
Speaker 3:Within that, yeah, absolutely is to have, you know, clarity and sense of the next steps, the goals it is that you're going to take. Within that, yeah, absolutely. So I I kind of use the term intelligent action because so many people have become obsessed with taking massive action. You know, like let's take massive action, let's just make sure we take massive action. But for me, you can take, you can put loads of hard work and you can take loads of action.
Speaker 3:But if it's action that's going in the wrong direction and what I mean wrong meaning is that the thing that doesn't inspire you most then it's going to feel difficult and ultimately, it's not going to get you closer to where you ultimately want to be. So for me, intelligent action is action that's aligned with your values and your goals. If it's action that's aligned with your values and your goals, great, let's take it, let's move forward. It's going to feel easier. I'm not saying it's always going to be easy, but it's going to feel easier. It'll feel like things will just happen. You know when you have those moments and you're like, wow, how is that? Like it just almost feels too good to be true. It's. It's a moment of um. Some people might call it a coincidence. I don't believe in coincidence, I believe in synchronicity, sort of everything's happening, but these, these moments that just feel aligned and uh and yeah, that's that's really where the intelligent action piece comes in I love that and that alignment also.
Speaker 2:I mean, we've all been there and we can probably all relate to this that it's one thing to feel alignment, but it's also another step or another process within to feel worthy of accepting and receiving and inviting that alignment into our lives. Because so many of us have felt the desire or the need to take action, we feel clear, we have clarity about what we need to do and sometimes even the supports. I've seen people where support is thrown at them and they are an absolute, like a deer in headlights, like they freeze. It's like they can't embody it, they can't take action on that, and it's almost like sometimes missed opportunities come in and I mean call it maybe divine timing, maybe it wasn't the right time, but maybe it could also be where there's a block in terms of us finding our self-worth to really step into that. Has that been something that's also been a challenge for you, to really just receive what you see that's being just set out in front of you?
Speaker 3:absolutely. I think so. When we talk about manifestation, you know, if you were to take the manifestation formula, if you like, there's going to be having a vision, there's going to be knowing your purpose, there's going to be writing goals, doing affirmations, you're going to be feeling grateful, you're going to have all these different things, but the final hurdle that most people fall down on is deserve level. So they can, they can have the vision, they can do the affirmations, they can write goals, they can be taking action, they can do the affirmations, they can write goals, they can be taking action, they can be feeling grateful, they can be doing all of these things, but if they don't feel worthy and deserving they're, then they will fall down on that hurdle and that that, for me, in more instances than not, comes down to guilt and shame.
Speaker 3:So it's, it's people having deep feelings of um guilt, which my perception of. Guilt, is when you perceive that you're causing more negative than positive to someone else, and shame is when you perceive that you're causing more negative than positive to yourself. And what what's? What's quite interesting is that chronic lack of deserve level generally, generally, will manifest itself long term in in lack of finances, because it's the easiest thing, where people have it, and even if they get lots of money, if they don't feel deserving of it, they give it all away yeah they give it all away, they spend it all.
Speaker 3:They find themselves in situations where it's gone. So a indication of deserve level will be people's financial situation. They're chronic, so over a long period of time, not necessarily in a moment in time, but yeah, that's a, an indication and um, it's, it's extremely powerful when you start working on deserving. I've got a number of affirmations I read out to myself daily. One of those is I'm worthy of love, yeah, yeah it's. One of those is I'm worthy and deserving of love, money and success because the, the, the that deserve every day. Affirming that to myself over and over and over again is one of the ways that helps me move forward and be able to work towards improving that.
Speaker 2:That's powerful. I love that. I love powerful affirmations. It's something that's also a part of my life and I find also sometimes the affirmations changes based on my business and, you know, depending on where I'm at in my career and also my personal life, but there's always a fundamental core values and positive affirmations that I also keep coming back to, and so much of it has to do with self-worth, because sometimes what we also do is and and I'm sure many people here who's watching can also relate that we compare ourselves to other people, we see someone else's success and you know your dad also stepped into that trap a little bit, where you know he would compare himself maybe no to to your uncles and thinking, you know, that's just luck, but saying that because maybe he didn't feel worthy or deserving of achieving or aspiring to that and then sometimes we just just self-sabotage that with negative thinking.
Speaker 2:And it's quite interesting because, you know, when you talked about your dad like that, I really saw my dad in the exact same pattern.
Speaker 2:You know he just did not have the capacity to be happy for someone else, anyone who was remotely successful. He would break that person down and of course it was, you know, just his reflection of him feeling absolutely awkward and inadequate, of, you know, seeing someone being in such a state of success and that person's state and energy almost pulls you into that potential. But if you can't receive that potential, of course it's going to make you feel awkward and inadequate. And the first thing that we do when we are in that state is to attack and to sabotage and to feel feelings of unworthiness. And then we, subconsciously, we reject it or we push it away or we we ruin it. We ruin the opportunities that we have with that.
Speaker 2:And this is something where I actually found myself as I was maturing and growing into my career as well, as you know, trying to relate to these people around me. That was successful, and what I wanted to ask you also here is what are reasons in that case? You know why people might not be taking action. You know that they know they want to be, or that they should be taking.
Speaker 3:So that's really interesting. I'm going to pick up the word should there, but before I do I want to take one step back. You mentioned luck, again Right, and this for me kind of comes back to that that deserve level piece again. Because if, if people say, well, they just got lucky, they, what they're doing is that they're making an assumption is something that's outside of themselves. Now, I've said for years I don't believe in luck Right. Luck for me is when preparation meets opportunity. Luck, right. Luck for me is when preparation meets opportunity. But what?
Speaker 3:I read a book earlier this year by Gay Hendricks, one of his new books, called Conscious Luck, and it's a phenomenal book, but again, I'm going to spoil the sort of the underpinning it for a lot of people. Go and check it out. Yeah, yeah, he's come and spoken at our events and see we've done a podcast and you're a wonderful, wonderful man and incredibly wise. And one of the things that the the basic, the thing that I took from it is it's not whether you believe in luck or not, it's whether you believe that you're lucky, because if you believe that you're lucky, which in my opinion, is a form of increasing your deserve level, that's why I wanted to bring this up is because if you believe, or I'm lucky, what you're really saying to the universe is good stuff can happen to me. Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 3:It's that belief. In my opinion, that is the component. The important component is a bit like our reticular activating system. Our reticular accessing system is the part of our brain that enables us to focus. It's look constantly on the lookout for opportunities. And if we believe that we're lucky and we believe in luck, then all of a sudden these opportunities can happen. We open ourselves up to these.
Speaker 3:Now, like I say, I I don't believe in luck per se, but I believe in the concept of being open to opportunities and being worthy to receiving, because I'm also a huge believer as I know you are, yvette of putting great stuff out, the law of reciprocity, just constantly, every day, pouring out, knowing in some way somehow it's going to come back tenfold in the long run. And that if, if I can focus every day on doing the right thing not always the easy thing, but the right thing in the moment then it's going to come back eventually and that's the beauty of of these, these situations. But sorry, I I sort of deviated slightly from from your question, so you'll have to remind me um no, no, this is where you're actually going is perfect.
Speaker 2:We can get back to what I was actually wanted to ask, because, um, I love where you were actually moving towards with this, because you said that this will come back to you. Now this also brings up another great topic. We will come full circle again. Guys, hang in with us. This is one minute, because this is actually really great. Where it's going to it's trust. Oh my god. Now you know trust is really hard, especially after everything that we've been going through and having to trust our intuition and having to trust so many things, after so many conflicting things have been taking place in our environment. What did you do to really strengthen that sense of trust in your core so that you can feel confident with what you're doing?
Speaker 3:what? What an incredible question.
Speaker 2:You're so good like I want to. I want to dissect you. I want to.
Speaker 3:We need to clone you so there's one key, fundamental, that if people embody this one belief, it's like a core belief that I believe that there's a core belief, that I believe that there's certain core beliefs that I believe that people are wise to have, and this is one of them Life happens for you, not to you. Because if you can have 100% faith that in any given moment, no matter how it feels, life is happening for you, not to you, then it's a beautiful world. And in that moment, if you have that as an underpinning core belief, global belief, an overarching belief of everything else that you do, then in any given moment, you can then say well, well, what's the lesson or the blessing here? And then, in any given moment, in anything in life, there is a lesson or a blessing, no matter what's going on. So that, that, for me, is one of the keys is adopting that belief.
Speaker 3:Now, for years I didn't have that belief, and it was when I made that shift. All of a sudden, it was like things just clicked and I could be more at peace and I could be at more at harmony, whereas before I resisted. So what it what it actually did is it made the transition, because we talk about all the time you've got an option to choose fear or to choose faith, and if you have that as an overarching belief is that life happens for you, not to you, then it makes it so much easier to choose faith and then you can move with that and you can roll with that. So, um, yeah, that's, that's one of the uh, one of the keys, um, that makes, makes that whole, that whole way of thinking so much easier.
Speaker 2:It's such a powerful statement that you made when you said you know that life is not happening to you, it's happening for you. Because even just when, the moment you said that and I repeated that silently to myself I could actually feel my body just going into the flow of my immediate environment. And I'm like because I have been a bit stressed with things that's going on lately, but it's good stress. You know, sometimes we have like really negative stress because you you dread what you're doing, but then you have stress because you're just so excited, you're so passionate and sometimes it weighs you a little bit down at the same time because of, you know, time management which is one other thing which I'm going to be asking you about soon, because I know you're really good with that is that you know you start to resist even the good things because you're so stressed. But the moment you said that life is happening for you, and that feeling of flow just eased through me and I'm like, okay, so life is happening for me.
Speaker 2:Where's the opportunity in how life is happening for me right now? And I kind of just and I did this just right now're here, live on the spot as we were doing it because, just based on everything that you're saying and I'm starting to slowly put it together I feel like I'm a student right now. It's great and I love that. I love that. Just those two simple statements, it's just to really bring out the positive in what is happening right now. What is the opportunity? Because if you're constantly going to be seeing a problem but you said with the RAS, and that's what I teach myself as well, so we're so in alignment with that I fully agree If all that you see is a problem, then that is exactly what you're going to be filtering in more of. So it's about instead of looking at what's going wrong all the time, let's look at what is going right.
Speaker 3:Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:Shift your focus to that immediately first and get into a positive state first, even if there's one thing that you can mention perfect, at least. Now you're at a much better place in space than what you were one second ago, and that's a great place to slowly start to move forward absolutely the.
Speaker 3:The chinese have two brush strokes for the word crisis. One means danger and the other means opportunity. And what when we? When we take that perspective and we go right, well, let's look for the opportunity rather than look at the danger. Let's look at the opportunity that that's presented to us. And coming back, this kind of comes back to gratitude, right. So, in in any given moment, no matter what's going on, we will have things to be grateful for. People go well, there's nothing I can be grateful for. My world is terrible right now. Well, we can always come back to basics.
Speaker 3:So I have five areas that I encourage people to look into each day. So literally my little black journal here. Most days I write out a minimum of 10 things I'm grateful for when I start my day. I write out a minimum of 10 things I'm grateful for when I start my day because what it does is it gets me to focus on the positive and start looking for the positive in the negative and the highlights and the lowlights in any given moment. But the real key here is finding the blessings in the things that we don't think have gone as well, because when we can shift that and we can get really good at finding the positives in the negatives, not just going well. I'm grateful because everything's amazing in my life, because when that is happening that's wonderful.
Speaker 3:But we also find ourselves in situations where more often than not, maybe everything isn't perfect, so we then have to be able to look for that. So I get, I encourage people to look in, um, who are the people in their life? What are the experiences they've had, what are the belongings they've got, what are their expectations and what are their privileges? Because we've all had situations where the, the simple thing that we we thought would happen, doesn't happen. It becomes a real inconvenience, like, for example, you, you get home to realize that you left the keys indoors so you're locked out. Or you, um, the toilet doesn't flush. Or the you you go to turn the lights on and the electricity's gone, whatever it is.
Speaker 3:But there's so many things that are happening in our life every day that we're taking for granted and when we can get really grateful for all of those small, tiny things that are going well, like today, I'm grateful for that. I opened up my laptop and the internet just worked. You know, this would have made this whole situation so much more difficult if it hadn't, it would have been so much more difficult. If I don't know, my um, the, the, the, the electricity wasn't working, the building or whatever it would have been. So we can start to to get grateful for those things and we can operate from that place.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, powerful I love that, that that's that I'm going to be adding that flash card here in this interview, because that was absolutely wonderful. So I really want people to take that away, because that is the fundamental part where you always will find something in, absolutely without fail. That's very powerful. Thank you for sharing that. So, just to bring the last part that we will bring full circle, where I asked you a few reasons why we're not taking the action that we know that we should be taking, because, ultimately, even though we do get stuck with you know, seeing life in a certain way, and then we change our perspective of okay, well, life is now not happening to me, it's happening for me and we, and we feel like we're doing everything, right, right, but they're still in that moment where we should have done something. We, maybe, we, we, we need to take an action. Then we know we should be doing it, but we're not like what? What would you? What advice can you give there? Because I get stuck in this all the time. Like this is me yeah.
Speaker 3:So there's, there's two, two things, and I'm going to go a bit deeper on this and go go granular on it. So, in my over simplistic mind, the reason that people don't take action is because of one or two things. It's lack of clarity or lack of accountability. Right, and it's most simple form. It's one of those two reasons, but then we can break that down a layer deeper.
Speaker 3:So, when people use language language for me as a coach, when I'm listening to my clients, I'm listening to their body language, the words they're saying, the tonality, everything. But there's, there's a few key indicators and one of them, like I say, is that the language they're using, when you're using the word should, that's an indication. Or anyone's using the word should, it's an indication that you may not be living to your values. So using language like I have to, I ought to, I should, I need to is an indication that you may be living to somebody else's values. And when I say somebody else's values, that could be parents, society, old school teachers, friends, you name it, so that that's something that I test. So when people say to me, well, I should be doing this, then the question I will ask them is according to who, and it stumps them. A lot of the time. They go well, according to my friends. Everybody says that I should be doing it All right. Ok, so that's what they think. But what do you think you ought to be doing? Well, what I would really want to be doing is X, y and Z, and it's quite often it's something different. So when, when people are living someone else's values, they'll be using language like I have to, I should, I ought to, I need to, and they'll constantly require external motivation.
Speaker 3:When we're living our own values and this is why I talk about intelligent action, what's actions aligned with your values and your goals then you'll use language like I love to, I choose to, I desire to, and there's a different energy that comes with that. Now, when you're living your values, you don't require motivation because you're in inspiration. So motivation is external, coming in. Inspiration is internal, coming out. Now let's take the word inspiration, inspiration in spirit. What's another word for spirit? Energy. So we're in energy when we feel most energized. So all of a sudden, the action taking becomes easy and effortless.
Speaker 3:Now, there's a few ways of doing that, and one of the ways of doing that is when we're clear on our values. So I break values down into two different ways. I talk about end values, which are you've got end away values things we're moving. I talk about end values, which are end away values, things we're moving away from and end towards values, things we're moving towards. And then I talk about means values. So these are things that we actually do that give us energy and when we see, come back to clarity, when we can see that the action that we're taking is going to get us closer to the thing that we desire most.
Speaker 3:So I talk a lot about having a north star. I'm a big believer in having a goal that's so big that you never achieve it within your lifetime and that that in itself, when you're connected with that, when you're truly connected with that, that prov that it's like a renewable energy source. You can keep striving towards um and the the. What you can do in that instance is that you can. You can link how the action um will serve you long term and you can do what I call a benefit stack. So we keep stacking it up, we stack up, we find all of the benefits to that particular action. So then we're drawn into doing it rather than having resistance to it.
Speaker 2:That's fantastic. And you know, with all these things that you do and that you want to achieve and all these amazing things that you have done yourself, because you, basically, you practice what you preach and you, how do you just do everything? I don't even know how to ask the question. There's so much that you do that we all get overwhelmed when we want to set our mind to a goal. We have the clarity Now, our values are starting to get in alignment, we feel good about it and we start to slowly move towards taking action, to start to create what it is that we want. Taking action, you know, to start to create what it is that we want.
Speaker 2:But time is always, always a problem. I kid you not last week I would be walking into my house and even sometimes the neighbor's like hi, man, how you doing? And I'm like I don't have time, like I didn't even listen to the fact that they just said hi, all that I'm hearing is someone is going to take time away from me and I don't have it and it's just like what? What advice can you give us, especially probably for me. I'm a bigger, big but selfish here. But you know how do you manage your time, because one thing that striked me is that you actually said wasn't? I heard you say that is that time management does not exist. So how, how? Now you really have to explain to me like yeah for sure, yeah, so, so.
Speaker 3:So I so, in answer to your question, um, of course, many of the people that I've studied over the years, one of the people that I come across was a guy called eric potterat. Now, eric potter Potter was a psychologist that specialized in working with Navy SEALs and Navy SEALs are one of the sort of elite special forces on the planet and there was four things that he identified that these Navy SEALs did that were successful in getting through Hell Week was successful in getting through Hell Week. So if you're not familiar with Hell Week, it's a process that sort of aspiring Navy SEALs have to go through to be able to be sort of qualified, if you like, as Navy SEALs, and it's a very, very rigorous process. But he found those four qualities that they had. One of them was what he called closed focused goal setting. So you can imagine you're a Navy SEAL, you've got a mission. Now that mission could be going on for hours, days, weeks, whatever it might be, but one of the qualities that he found was that they had the ability to effectively put the blinkers on and focus on the very next task at hand.
Speaker 3:So one of the things that I've become quite good at using the process that I use with clarity is I get people to get clear on their North Star. Then we reverse, engineer the process 10-year, 5-year, 3-year, 1-year, 90-day, 30-day, monthly goals, weekly goals, what are we doing today? And I use a process linking what I call a default diary and a must-do list that gives us really clear, focused direction on what has to happen. So we we as human beings have a limited amount of bandwidth, as I call it, a little bit like your ram on your computer when you've got lots of apps open and tabs open. I'm either like 30 tabs open on my chrome browser. Uh, it uses a lot of of memory on your computer and we do the same in our brain. So one of the things I'm huge on is getting people to get out of their head and write everything down, and there's a structured process that I use with people to get them really, really clear to make sure they do what they do.
Speaker 3:Now to come back to the point that you made about time management, I don't believe in time management. Time management is fast. We cannot manage time. Every single one of us have the same amount of minutes in an hour, hours in a day, days in a week and so on. So what what it's really about is priority management. So what we have to become really good at is priority management.
Speaker 3:Well, how can we become good at priority management? We have to then know what our highest priorities are. If we know what our highest priorities are, then we can look at identifying effectively and we and make decisions like what is it that I really need to do and what is that I need to delegate? One of my mantras that I get my clients tattooed into their brain is it needs to be done, but I don't need to do it and we're all guilty. We're all guilty of well, I need to do it, I can do it better. I can do it better. Well, the problem is when you, when you try to be good at everything, it means that you can't be excellent at certain things. So it's a case well, who can I get to do this that's better than me, and mean that I can do the things that I'm excellent at, and do the things that I absolutely love doing, and other people can take on those tasks that they love doing for me?
Speaker 2:that's so true. And you know one thing that you said there that I'm sure people, and especially me, was also a problem, and I know you probably had this as well it's control issues. You know, delegating now I'm great at delegating, I'm really really great at it, and I started. I had to learn the past week to really learn to delegate and just let go. You know it was my control issues, but did you also find yourself in that position where you knew you had to delegate and it was a? There was a part of it, just like you know you just can't get the project over like yeah and, and there's two, there's two, two parts for this.
Speaker 3:So, first of all, what I've realized now from of years of messing it up is that it's not just about delegating, it's about delegating. What the hell is delegating? Delegating to great people? The difference between delegating to a great person, a person that's got the skills, got the ability, got the drive to do it, the difference that will make to your life, because a lot of people go, yeah, but I've delegated before and it was more hassle and it was worth. They wasn't as good as me, there wasn't this.
Speaker 3:Well, if we come back to taking 100 responsibility, so in any given moment, if we choose to take 100 responsibility, what's my part to play here? Did I not choose the right person? Did I not choose the person with the right experience? Did I choose the person with the right experience but they didn't have the right attitude? Did I um? Have I not committed to training them to the effective standard? Have I not communicated how I really want things done?
Speaker 3:Happiness is equal to or greater than our expectations. If our expected, if our expectations are met, we're happy. If our expectations are not met, then we're unhappy. Or how clearly have I communicated the expectations of the outcomes that I want and the competencies of the person, um, and some. When we come back and we ask ourselves those questions, oh actually, yeah, no, I did tell them what I wanted, but I I'm moaning because they didn't get to me on. They didn't get it to me on Thursday afternoon, but did I tell them I wanted them on Thursday afternoon, or did I just assume that they're a mind reader?
Speaker 3:And when we start asking those questions of ourselves once we've done that quite a few times, then we know in the future what we need to communicate to get the outcome that we want. So it's, um, it is definitely something that can make a huge difference. And also, the other thing is as well is that a lot of people they look at things um, binary, so they go right, well, there's me doing it all or someone else doing it all. They forget that there's a spectrum. You know, like when you used to have a the, the sliders in your car that went from hot to cold. You know you don't really have them anymore, but it's well
Speaker 3:yeah, once upon a time.
Speaker 3:Uh, but you, you imagine that sliding scowl, what it's a little bit like if, if you, if you were training a dog to to be a flea.
Speaker 3:You, you take the dog out for a walk, first of all when it's a little puppy and it's going to be on the lead, and then eventually you might get to a safe space where you let the dog off for a little bit and then you bring it back, you put it on the lead and then you let it off the lead a little bit longer and you might be going for one day and you decide to give it a slightly longer lead and a longer lead and longer lead. You go actually. Well, no, I'm willing to take the dog off the lead for a little bit longer. So it's that process of training that person and not having the expectation that it's going to go from you doing it exactly how you want to do it to them taking over and doing it perfectly, because again, then we're creating a fantasy for ourselves where we're likely to feel let down if that that doesn't happen absolutely so.
Speaker 2:It's not just about taking it and then just going boom and then expecting things to just magically happen. You also have to be a bit involved in terms of how you would like it to happen. You know, not assuming people can read your mind, because most of the time people cannot. You know, we think that we mind readers by thinking if someone acts or reacts a certain way, then we think, oh, they must be thinking this or that, and 99% of the time we're actually wrong. But we kind of like base the whole reality on that assumption. And you know, this is exactly also where we make an assumption, assuming that people might know certain things, and then we end up setting ourselves for disappointment. It's almost like a subconscious, self-fulfilling prophecy if we don't invest in that as well. Delegating is not just a one-way street, but there's a certain steps, as you said, that also needs to be taken when you do delegate.
Speaker 2:So it's delegating with discernment absolutely, yeah, absolutely well, this was amazing golden nugget moments, absolutely golden nugget moments, absolutely golden nugget moments. And just for anyone that's maybe stuck right now in their life, where the borders are open, you know, life is kind of like coming back to a certain degree of normality and they're just sitting there and they're like, oh my God, now, what, now what? What message do you have for them, just to kind of like shake them a little bit out of their out of their state of stuckness?
Speaker 3:yeah, absolutely so. I think the the key, the key thing, is that it comes back to that comment before that life's life is happening for us, not to us in any given moment and when we find ourself in a position when we're unsure, having faith, that light, that um, it's darkest just before dawn, so something just around the corner is about to happen. But we have the ability to create in any given moment when we get clear. So, in my experience we spoke about clarity right at the beginning it's that that we're talking about it at the end is that we can create clarity for ourselves by identifying what that future looks like. People typically will feel inspired and want to take action when they have a clear vision for themselves and what their future could look like. And people say to me well, how do I possibly know what my vision would look like? Well, by starting with what would you absolutely love to do? In fact, there's a process that I love I'm a huge fan of that helps people identify what their vision might look like, which is the concept of the Ikigai. Now, for people that aren't familiar with it, it's a Japanese concept we don't have a direct translation for it in English, but it means reason for being. And what's fascinating about the Ikigai is that it originated from a little island just off of Okinawa in Japan and there's more centurionsions, so more people that lived over 100 years old in this particular region than anywhere else in the world. Because they live by this, this ikigai concept, and the way that you identify what that is for you is. It's like a venn diagram, right? So four circles that meet in the middle to create the ikigai in the middle is what do you love? So an exercise for people to do is what do you love? Identify all the things that you love doing. What are you really good at? What are your strengths? And you, you write those down. People go well, I haven't got any strengths. Well, there's um over 12 000 words in the english language that describe a strength. Trust me, you've got plenty of strengths.
Speaker 3:Then, identifying what what does the world need? What do you feel that there is a problem that you could solve and you could help fix? And then, what could you be paid for? And when we look at that sweet spot, forget about how you're going to make money, how it's going to happen. We start to look at that and we start creating our dream life. What would our dream, what would our ideal day look like?
Speaker 3:If you were to grab a journal, write down. If I was to close my sorry, if I was to open my eyes and wake up in the morning, where would I be? What would I be doing? Who would I be hanging out with? What would I be having breakfast? What would be the thing I'd be going and doing in the morning? What would my partner be like? How would we be acting? What sort we'd be acting? What sort of social things we'd be getting up to?
Speaker 3:And we just start to have fun. You know, when you're a kid and you just play make-believe, just have fun, go absolutely crazy with this process, no limitations. If money was no object, if time was no object, you could do whatever you want, and what will start to happen is you get little green shoots of inspiration when you do this exercise. What I recommend people do is they get a bit of music that they absolutely love, one of their favorite bits of music. Put it on repeat for three or four times and just spend 15 minutes. Don't get get a pen and paper and don't take the pen off the page writing about all these different things. What would the dream life be like. And that will start this process of enabling them to feel energized. So, uh, yeah, hopefully that helps I love that.
Speaker 2:I'm actually gonna do that, that that you really inspired me. Now, like you know, as you talk about it and I'm thinking, I'm visualizing, like I can actually feel, you know, myself getting into that moment and just getting into the, to the flow of it and like it almost like helps you to feel like I love that statement. You feel the feeling of the wish fulfilled because it's like you know you're sharing such powerful steps in easy steps to to create that and then to create what it is that you want from that beautiful well, thank you so much. What an absolute pleasure to have you here today. And you also have a wonderful contribution here for the summit. And that's free 30-day membership to the evolve network. I'm so excited. Can you tell us just briefly what can people find in there? And that's free 30-day membership to the Evolve Network. I'm so excited.
Speaker 3:Can you tell us just briefly what can people find in there? Yeah, absolutely so. The Evolve Network is our membership. We've got members from all over the world that want to be part of a community of positive-driven, light-minded group of ambitious people that that are striving forward in their life, that have got a keen interest in personal development. We run coaching sessions with me. I run events where we have world-class experts that come and deliver phenomenal workshops.
Speaker 3:Every month we have two guest speakers at our our event. We've had, I mean, gay hendrix you mentioned. We've had marissa peer, we've had yourself. We've had dr john d martini. We've had some Hendricks you mentioned. We've had Marisa Peer, we've had yourself. We've had Dr John Demartini. We've had some phenomenal, phenomenal guests that come and speak at our events. There's modules of lots of different training stuff that we've spoken about today, like how to create your North Star, how to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. There's a whole Master your Time module of what you can do to master your time, so all of that content's in there. We hold time module of what you can do to master time, so all of that content's in there. Um, we hold people accountable. It's just a wonderful community to connect with like-minded people and uh, yeah, there's a, there's a gift for people to come experience it for 30 days, experience it for themselves, and um, yeah, we'd love to have them part of it what a gift.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. That's so generous. Thank you so so much. Well, thank you for your love, your time and your energy and everything that you do and contribute also to the world. You're an absolute light worker. Like I said, we need to clone you. We need more wheels running around, ambassadors of you everywhere that can move and shake, because you're absolutely a mover and a shaker and just keep being you. And thank you for this beautiful, positive influence that you are in the world and into people's lives as well, because it's it's so needed, so needed thank you very much.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much. It's been a been an honor to have you um part of the um. It's been an honor to have you part of the uh, to be able to be part of this and, uh, yeah, I'll look forward to speaking with you very soon and I hope everybody's enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:Yes, so thank you so much, everyone for being here, and another big thank you to Will and guys. Until next time, be the life that you are.