Heal Within

Season 14 - Episode 26: How to overcome your Past and Crystal Bowl Healing Meditation

• Evette Rose • Season 14 • Episode 26

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Speaker 1:

Hi everyone, yvette Rose here, founder and also author of Metaphysical Anatomy book and technique as well. It's a big book of 679 medical ailments where I write and talk a lot about the similarities that we have between all of us and talk a lot about the similarities that we have between all of us from all the people in the world that have certain specific trauma trigger points behind certain ailments, exasperating it and how to call our power back from learning to understand what the body is trying to tell us and also what our ancestry is trying to tell us through our DNA lineage, and how all these challenges express themselves. And guys, so welcome here to this course. I am so excited to be diving into this here with you. We're going to be looking at how can we start to shift our mindset, how can we start to shift and to heal from our past? Because ultimately, let's be honest, why are we all here today? Why is it that we do what we do when we start to dive into personal development?

Speaker 1:

Of course, we don't really go into these aspects. We don't look at these parts of our lives when things are going really well. It means that there's something in your life that is just not working for you. There's something that is not in alignment with you in terms of, maybe, how you would like to feel or where you're trying to move to in your life. Maybe there's self-sabotage, maybe there's fears, maybe there's self-rehabilitating patterns that you just can't quite shake or get rid of or knowing how to overcome that, and sometimes we are consciously also aware of what it is in our past that we would like to let go. But most of the time, a lot of people actually don't know what are root traumas or what took place or why is it that they behave or act the way that they do and how that is showing up in their lives. At the moment. The only thing that most people actually just see is destructive. You know, coping mechanisms, anxiety, depression. What we tend to see in today's age is the aftermath of what happened in the past.

Speaker 1:

Now, this is something that I'm very deeply connected to, and also because of my own history with healing my life. You know, having gone from you know a father that was clinically diagnosed sociopath and an alcoholic and also self-medicated drug addict, being the only child as well, and my mom just trying to balance everything and just keep everything together. It was a very stressful life. It was a very rude introduction to what life is like because when, when we're born, when we come into the world, our family environment and the people that we have access to, immediately they become our reference for what life is, how to act, how to react, what is love, what is connection, what is bonding or what is the absence of that. Now these dynamics set forth the foundation by which we start to live our life by. It sets forward the foundation in terms of how we act and react, what we like, what we don't like.

Speaker 1:

So many things that happened here is driving or motivating us, consciously or subconsciously, to do the things that we're doing Now. To heal from our past can feel really intimidating. Let me tell you, I know what it feels like because I've been there. I know and I deeply understand what it's like to have this idea of what we think happens and then when we kind of like meet it face to face and we go, oh my god, this is, this is, this is really what happened. This is how it made me feel.

Speaker 1:

When we start to bring that conscious awareness in relationship to how we felt in the past, or perhaps what happened, the things that we've been trying to suppress. We can sometimes be rudely surprised by the depth of the stress, the strain that we've been feeling, because we're pain avoidant, we are discomfort avoidant. So when something does happen or did happen in the past, and it caused in the past and it caused you tremendous stress, it caused you tremendous problems, then absolutely now we're going to have a problem. And so what we're looking at? When we have this problem, when we realize, well, there's something not working right now, we move away and we move away and further away. And that is a coping mechanism. It's a safety trigger that we have to protect ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes it can come forward, so strong that it comes forward in the form of amnesia. We actually don't consciously remember what happened, but the emotional body right, the emotional body, what I write about a lot about in here it remembers and it's those messages that get stored, it gets recorded, it gets locked in because, at the end of the day, when we look at, as we mature, as we grow up, what happens, we have emotions happens. We have emotions positive, negative, but we have desires, we have, you know, motivation, we have intentions. Now, all of this causes emotions to flow and move throughout the body. You know that when you feel an emotion, sometimes you can feel it coming up in the heart area, you might feel it in the gut, you might feel it coming forward and as a headache or a lot of stress, a lot of mental stress. And when we look at it now from this perspective, the moment when there is discomfort, what do we do? There's either a shock reaction or there's an avoidance reaction. Now, the moment when there's an avoidance reaction, what happens? We block, we stop. It's called almost an energetic boundary. We don't want to feel that, so we stop. And it's almost like that feeling sometimes.

Speaker 1:

Have any of you ever felt like in your heart? Sometimes it feels like there's a lot of tension. You feel really uncomfortable, like it's like there's a stone on it. That is normally a fear of giving and receiving and there's an energetic block there because that block is showing you there was a part of you that decided love is not safe, or I can't give or show my emotions because I get attacked. It's not safe. So what happens? There's a block in the flow of the energy, in the flow of connecting or trying to or wanting to connect, because at the end of the day, regardless of what it is that you want to do.

Speaker 1:

When emotions are flowing, they're flowing for a reason. There's a purpose for that emotion, either to tell you that you're angry, either to tell you that you're really, really happy right now, or that you wanted to celebrate something. And that emotion normally has a healthy or an unhealthy outlet. Really depends if it's positive or negative. Now, of course, positive emotions can also have a negative outlet, and that is if it's too heightened. You know, when you're overly excited sometimes you can say the wrong thing at the wrong time. So that's a really great example of that. But the initial intention is, of course, positive.

Speaker 1:

Now it's just a matter of how well can we regulate these emotions when they are set forward, in motion, as the body is feeling it throughout every single cell, because we have the cognitive mind that you know moves around all these messages and the sensations, and then we have the nervous system that also allows us to for messages to be sent forward, back forth, back forth. We have organs that can also have their own. You know, emotional little personalities like, for example, restore resentment in kidneys. The liver restored a lot of anger. You'll see people who are alcoholics to have an enlarged liver, of course because of alcoholism, but also because they have a tremendous amount of suppressed anger now at the end of the day.

Speaker 1:

So, at the end of the day, when we look at how we respond to stress, how we, you know, just try to regulate ourselves after a stressful event, because I know that you know, once you've had a stressful event in your life, the only thing that we want to have an experience the most is relief. We want escape, relief. We want this guy, we want 100 hands down relief. We want to self-regulate, whether it's conscious or subconscious. But there is a part of you that wants to, and needs to, emotionally, physically and psychologically regulate, to go back to your neutral inner equilibrium, because it is our natural state to be harmonious, to be neutral. If our bodies were designed to live in this heightened state of distress, we wouldn't have all these energetic blocks. That's just, you know, blocking off the flow of energy, because the reason why it gets blocked off is because it's either unpleasant, stressful or not in alignment with your true nature and where it is that you would like to move into and to be in your life.

Speaker 1:

So what do we do? When something doesn't feel right, when something feels imbalanced? We either it, we move away from it, or we fight against it or we run away from it. It really depends what is your default coping strategy, which is something that we all have Like, for example, mine used to be freezing. I would sometimes just freeze and I will get stuck in bad situations. I will get stuck in bad circumstances or a bad career and I will not make changes. I will just be like, okay, I'm just going to try to do my best. I'm just going to try to, you know, go under the radar and just do what I can. It's almost like there becomes a sense of desensitizing to what it is that you really truly need, because the moment, what I found in my personal experience is that when I'm doing something and it's not working for me and I feel that feeling of discontent, I try to fight against it. I try to overcome it.

Speaker 1:

Now, this can go, of course, two ways. One is really truly where your life path is showing you with this discontent or the destruction, or maybe the disconnect or the numbness, whatever negative experience it is that you're having. Are they showing you that this is not for you, or it's showing you that maybe it's bringing up something in you that needs to be addressed so that you can fall into alignment with this path and actually really truly be happy in that. Now, what's the difference? We're going to be getting to that a little bit later, because there is a very fine line in that specific topic in itself and almost probably, of course, whole on its own. But when we look at our past first of all, what is really really important and something that really tremendously helped me, and regardless of what your past is, this is now absolutely irrelevant. This is now more so. Just looking at what happened and looking at where are you in your life right now, and we're going to be taking it from this perspective and almost like pretending that we're looking back and we're looking back at the past from a different, third person perspective.

Speaker 1:

So one of the biggest challenges that I see with people who are in a healing journey, who would like to start to shift and to heal their past, is their attachment to the past. I'll repeat it it is a person's attachment to their past Because, firstly, what happens and this attachment can take many, many different forms this attachment can now come forward and look as though it's. Maybe there's a part of you that can't let go of something that happened, because you're still waiting for, maybe a certain type of acknowledgement or an apology, or to get the love that you always wanted from a certain person, or to have the victory that you always wanted to have, or maybe to have the revenge that you've just been waiting for so that you can feel the justice of the injustices that you might have experienced. I absolutely went through all of them. Let me I kid you not.

Speaker 1:

I wrote so much about this on my autobiography book called finding your own voice. If any of you guys ever want to read it, highly recommend it, because there I critiqued myself in positive ways, but also in ways where I would be looking at my patterns. I really put my patterns on black and white on paper, really assessing my behavior and how I reacted, especially to my past and especially when I started to feel it. And so now, when we come back to this attachment to the past as well, there's something that we feel unresolved in Now. Of course, that's one of the main reasons why it can be challenging to kill from the past. It's not wanting to let go of the injustice.

Speaker 1:

For me, I found that if I had to let go, then I was angry. This topic would trigger the hell out of me, because I would think that, well, that bastard is now going to get away with everything that they did to me and everything is now just going to have to be okay, that's what it's going to be. What about me? Where's my fairness? Where's my justice? Now, what I learned was there's a difference in terms of how we can actually approach this, and one that worked really well for me was to realize that it doesn't mean that the person has to be forgiven for what they've done. However, what is important is to let go of how it's influencing you, because that you can control. You can start to slowly take small steps in terms of how you can control that so that it doesn't affect your quality of life, because the real injustice right now is how that person from the past continues to ruin your life in the present moment and into the future. That's really what it is, that, for me, that was the real injustice, and so the way that I was able to call and revoke my power back was to not allow what that person has done to me and the experience that I have with someone or with several people not allowing that to continue to infiltrate into my future Because our behavior, our patterns, our personality, our way of coping, all these little actions and bits and pieces that start to come together as a whole unit in terms of who you are, that is constantly and actively, always contributing to your future.

Speaker 1:

Every decision that you make, every step that you take is contributing and building your future. So, if you are always pissed off and angry at someone from the past, you are actively manifesting that anger into your future relationships, your future career, your future, whatever it is that you're doing and that you want to create. But then, at the same time, we also try to have freedom from the anger. We try to have freedom from the injustice, we're trying to find our peace, but our inability to see this just from a different perspective.

Speaker 1:

I'm not saying you have to let go at this point, because a lot of you might not be ready to hear that, and that is okay, I have been there too. Forget even about having to let go. However, I do invite you to look at this just from a different perspective. That's it. That is already going to be a great start for today. Just a different perspective. A great start for today, just a different perspective. And that is, asking yourself the question do I want to continue to give this person or this situation the power to constantly ruin my future that I'm trying to build that is free from this trauma and stress and distress? That is a very important question. And the answer to that question is even more important Because what I realized from my past and one of the many reasons why it was hard for me to let go is that the anger, the anger that I felt as a result of it, because that's another form of feeling powerless, something that happened and made you feel completely out of control or very unsafe or very unprotected, and it's normal to react in a state of anger.

Speaker 1:

Normally people can go into the opposite. They go into the state of complete you know detachment, wanting to hide, becoming the victim, but then at some point, at some point, the body reaches its threshold, of feeling stuck in the victim state, because the body is starting to realize I'm not surpassing this. If I stay in the victim state, I can't get to where I need to be, because your body is designed to support you to can't get to where I need to be Because your body is designed to support you, to keep you alive, to keep you moving, to keep you shaking. It's designed for you to fulfill your purpose. But if you stay in this state that is unresourceful, the body's like, hey, how do I shift this block? This is not working for me. The energy needs to start flowing, because if it doesn't, it can cause a dysfunction in your frequencies and in your energy alignment, in your body as well, and that can translate over time into physical dysfunction. And now what you're probably hearing is potential ailments, potential bad health.

Speaker 1:

Now what happens is, when we're stuck in that unresourceful state, we sometimes often revert to the fight instinct. And that is anger, that boost, that burst of power, of cortisol, of adrenaline that's needed to almost, like, knock you out of this state. That's what anger is normally for. That's the purpose of anger. It has many purposes, but, specifically now for today's topic, that is what anger does. And so the anger comes and comes up. Hard enough, hard enough. Just get out of my way, bum. And so what happens now? Subconsciously, we think, oh god, I'm liberated. This anger feels good, I feel powerful, I feel strong. When I have all this cortisol and all this anger, all this frustration and irritation running through me, now, suddenly, it's easy to say no now, suddenly to to command and demand what I want to have. Now, look what's happening. In a very, very subtle way, we form a positive association with this burst of energy, this anger. Now, initially it can be very positive if it serves the purpose by breaking this habit, by breaking this pattern, which it did. But now we think, oh wow, I like this feeling, so I need to feel angry so that I can feel my power and I can feel confident and I can move forward.

Speaker 1:

Now have you noticed that you fluctuate in and out of that anger? You go from feeling really angry back to just wanting to hide, back to feeling like where did my confidence just go? The reason why you dip in and out of it is because anger and this fight and flight instinct, this cortisol, all this adrenaline running through your body, all these hormones, these stress responses being released, it is exhausting, it is absolutely exhausting. So what's happening is, when you plummet, what your body's actually telling you? I'm tired, I don't have the nutrients, the diet or the resources, emotionally and nutritional-wise, to cope with this heightened levels of stress. I don't have it.

Speaker 1:

But then we sometimes try to push through that. We go no, I have to be strong, I have to keep going, and we don't listen to the body saying let's just time out now a little bit, let's just rest a little bit. I'm not in in a strong state. Let's go into a retreat state, but it's not a safe state to be in, because there you feel unresourceful, you don't feel like you're taking action, you don't feel like you're achieving something, you don't feel like you're being safe, because it's hard to feel ready to guard ourselves and to be defensive if we're in a rest state. But of course we can be in a rest state with discernment, but just being quiet, just being, you know, flying under the radar, just resting, just observing, just being an observer.

Speaker 1:

Now, this is one of the many, many pitfalls that I had in my life and that was the association that I had with anger and how I thought it served me, but at the end of the day it alienated me. I was extremely unhappy. Here I am trying to find happiness, but I'm such an angry person. You're in the opposite state of what you're trying to create. Of course, you're not a frequency match to people that will make you happy, not a frequency match to the career that will make you happy. You're not in alignment with the intended goal and outcome that you want not in alignment with the intended goal and outcome that you want.

Speaker 1:

Now I had to let go of thinking. I need the anger to succeed, to be successful, to be heard, to be seen, to be able to speak and to find my place of neutralness and to feel safe in that, to feel heard in that, to feel that I can be acknowledged in a way that is safe in that place and space. Now, that's one point to look at. That's one point to start to think about. How is anger showing up in your life? Because a lot of people don't know how to even be angry. They're angry in a violent be angry. They're angry in a violent way or they're angry in a very suppressed way. Anger, at the end of the day, just needs an outlet, but it's how we let go of that. That is what can be constructive or destructive.

Speaker 1:

Now, when we look at how to point, of how to heal from our past in a way that is healthy, when we look at anger, we're also now looking at lack of structure. We're looking at lack of consistency in your life as well. Here are now two more important elements to bring your focus to when in your life can you create more structure? Because normally trauma or stress gets locked into the body when the body doesn't have a support system or some sense of structure that can give us a sense of safety. Because structure gives us a sense of predictability. Because we hate the unknown, we're biologically designed to avoid the unknown because it can mean instant death to the biology of the body.

Speaker 1:

I know cognitively doesn't make sense, but now we're talking about the body and how that functions, because we have two different ways of functioning. One is cognitively, where we have the ability to intellectualize our experiences through the hippocampus, our emotional brain, also the frontal cortex, and that's how we perceive information in the here and now, and then our visceral system, our biology of the body, our instinctive responses, which is solely focused on life or death. Is this situation going to be pro life or against life? And the body starts to react based on these types of decisions and it happens in seconds. It doesn't even need your conscious involvement. You have no idea that your body is actually doing this on a second-to-second basis. It never rests Actually, that's what I would say. Never rests, it never sleeps. It's always, always feeling and sensing what is going on around you Now when we look at again. I'm going to come back to structure. Where in your life? Do you?

Speaker 1:

need more structure, maybe your relationships, maybe your career, maybe just something as simple as a routine, a daily routine, afternoon routine, evening routine, something to look forward to, something that you know. Ah, I know what to expect here, because that subconsciously already calms the body down, because the body loves to know what's going to happen. Now, when we also look at consistency Because hang on, I'm just going to backtrack here I just got another thought here I want to share with you. I'm actually going to backtrack here.

Speaker 1:

When we look at structure, a lot of people can actually get bored with structure. That was me, and the reason why is because when you come from a home where there was a lot of trauma, a lot of heightened stress, you are programmed for heightened experiences. That's why a lot of people get you know into violence, you know high risk activities. They do everything to the extreme because they're looking for that heightened, pivotal moment, that emotional peak, and so structure can actually be perceived as being boring. But I changed my perspective around it and I said structure gives me peace. I repeat that Structure gives me inner peace, and it's the same with consistency, because success is created with consistency, but, of course, with discernment. You don't want to keep doing the same thing for 20 years if you can see it's not getting you to where you want to be. So of course, discernment is needed there. But I'm speaking now generally speaking consistency. So maybe where in your life are you being inconsistent, whereas if you are just 10% or 20% more consistent, it can already start to improve your quality of life, because normally inconsistency is an end result of our childhood being inconsistent. That's your reference chaos. Have any of you here can you relate if I have to say, do you know how to create success or abundance or what you want in your life without needing panic, without needing a crisis, without needing stress? If you can't imagine that, then I'm talking to you, absolutely talking to you right now, because that is where consistency is absolutely key, because that inconsistency creates the stress, it creates the panic, and then we go into that high of that hormonal adrenaline and cortisol, going into a crisis, and then we feed off of that energy and feeling like, oh, I'm alive, I'm doing something, we're accomplishing something, but what it's doing is it's just pulling you out of the present moment where you just really don't like to be. So people tend to use chaos, they tend to use stress, to avoid. Not to create, but to avoid. It's to avoid, but at the same time, feel like they're doing something, but actually what they're not doing is a lot, because when you look at whatever it is that you did, you might have to go back and fix a few things because you were not as grounded as you needed to be when you were perhaps doing that something Now. That's also another element to be looking at.

Speaker 1:

Another part as to why it can be hard to heal from your past is we have a false identity. We identify with our past. We identify with the trauma. I see a lot of people saying I am a survivor of this, this, this, this. That I am a survivor of sexual assault. I am a survivor of this.

Speaker 1:

A lot of people go to these alcoholic classes where they support each other, or at least they are supposed to support each other. They stand up there and say hi, my name is X, I'm an alcoholic. No, no, that's not right. What you just did is you just reinforce the false identity? No, if you quit drinking, and even just for one day, and you're now new in your journey, you deserve to say I was, because you're now moving out of that state.

Speaker 1:

You have to speak your reality in terms of where it is that you want to go. You want it to be in the past? Okay, great, let's reinforce it as being in the past. I cannot tell you how incredibly important this is. This is often to people's detriment, because how can you be a hero if you're a victim at the same time? How can you be the hero of your own life if you still hold these wounds? People qualify and become heroes because they're now willing to put their past exactly where it needs to be in the past. It's called the past because it's behind you. It's not real anymore, it doesn't exist anymore. But our anger, our need for justice, our inability to let go and how we perceive ourselves within this dynamic of the past is what emotionally keeps it real. That is what emotionally makes you feel it's still real, it's still alive. Well, okay, yeah, you can keep it alive, because if you continue to feel it in the present moment I know what I said earlier it continues to form part of the future. It continues to form part of your new reality, and that is how we keep the past alive. The past itself is not alive. We keep the memory of it alive, but allowing it to continue to infiltrate our behavior and our actions in the future.

Speaker 1:

Now, another part as to why it can be really, really hard to heal our lives and to heal from the past is when we look at our coping mechanisms. Many coping mechanisms are healthy. They're there to actually help us to improve our quality of life. I get it, I have them too. But when we look at coping mechanisms and when we look at coping strategies and how these strategies that, if they're done over time, too many times, or it starts to cause stress, like, for example, a lot of people might say well, I love to run a lot, so OK, perfect, go for a run.

Speaker 1:

But now, if they keep running and running and running and their body is now maybe out of balance, they don't have the right nutrients, they don't have the right omega oils, oils maybe this might start to have stress in their tendons and the muscle might start to become problematic or the tendons become problematic. Now they start to have pain. But this coping strategy of running to just release all the stress, which is great, but now trying to push beyond that barrier of pain and trying to be, you know, the martyr, I'm going to keep running because this is my strategy. Now the body gets injured. Now coping strategy became a very detrimental strategy as well.

Speaker 1:

And when we look at it from all these different perspectives and all these different angles, at the end of the day, now you might create a new coping strategy, because you can't do the running anymore, you might be resting temporarily. But now you create other coping strategies because you don't like the way that you feel, because you're't do the running anymore, you might be resting temporarily, but now you create other coping strategies because you don't like the way that you feel, because you're running for a reason. Of course they can say it's for enjoyment, but at the end of the day let's be honest it's to release stress. I love to run 20 minutes to half an hour in the morning at least three times per week, and I find it is amazing way to self-regulate stress that you build up, build up, build up, build up, you up. I call it silent stress that just needs to be released. It's fantastic. But when I look at you know this pattern.

Speaker 1:

Now, when we come back to that injury and now there's other coping mechanisms that that starts to form, now we just have a new problem and sometimes coping mechanisms can be so unhealthy it can be. So you know, to your detriment, that these coping mechanisms needs new coping mechanisms of their own, because the one that you have originally is creating another problem, and then that problem needs another coping mechanism or way to cope or deal with it. So it becomes this vicious, nasty cycle of this coping mechanism or way to cope or deal with it. So it becomes this vicious, nasty cycle of this coping mechanism after coping mechanism after coping mechanism, and that's why so many people feel they're not making progress in their life, because they think that the step that they're taking to help them is going to bring them the relief that they want. But it's just another subconscious escape.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes, when we don't understand what problem it is that we're dealing with, it's hard to apply the correct tools or the correct strategy to put an end to the cycle, to put an end to the habit or the pattern. And that moment is because lack of awareness, because we don't like to feel. We don't like to feel our emotions. We are biologically designed, guys, to feel our emotions. Emotions is your gps. It's your gps in your life.

Speaker 1:

Now, when we look at it from this perspective, the very thing that's meant to guide us. We're suppressing it, we are avoiding it, we don't want to feel it, we don't want to be connected to it. But this is the very thing that's also connected to your intuition. Are you making the connections now? If you struggle with your intuition, then you struggle with your emotions hands down Period intuition then you struggle with your emotions hands down period.

Speaker 1:

So, at the end of the day, coping strategies can be good, but it really depends. Is it the correct solution that you are applying to the problem part that you're trying to deal with Now? Another part also as to why it can be harder to heal from our past is because we stick to what feels safe. We are discomfort avoidant, we are pain avoidant. The body doesn't like the unknown, it doesn't like to feel fear, so, of course, it sticks to what feels safe, even though it's not creating the outcome that it wants. This is a pure biological reaction and what is important here and what helped me tremendously, is when I started to tell myself, when I do feel unsafe, when I do feel challenged, I am safe. I am safe now.

Speaker 1:

Just that affirmation already, and focusing on your breath as well, just making sure you're breathing in and breathing out, is consistent and equally as long, because when we are in a state of fight and flight, our breath becomes more shallow and that means the vagus nerve is now starting oxygen and now it's sending the stress signals to all the organs. It's completely flipped upside down. Now it's really upset, and that already helps the nervous system to calm down if the body can just get adequate oxygen, because that then tells the whole body and the visceral system well, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. And then consciously looking around you and observing but is there really truly a threat around me? Is there really something around me right now to confirm what I'm feeling? If the answer is no, perfect Okay. So let's feel and see the safety, the immediate safety that we are surrounded by right now. That's another point.

Speaker 1:

Now here is one of my favorite ones and one that I see a lot of people being challenged with. A lot of people are truly and deeply struggling with this, and that is fear of change. It's fear of change. What do we do when we want to heal? It requires change. So now, if you have a fear of change, you're walking with your head right into a wall if you think well, I want to heal my life, I want to heal the past, I want to break free. You see how these two don't go very well together. They kind of like need to become friends, meaning let go of negative associations associated with change. Because if you have trauma associated with change, now we have a problem. Because what happens now? You think I want to heal my life. Consciously, it looks. We think it's fantastic, of course, you're going to be happier, you're going to be more successful. You're going to be happier, you're going to be more successful, you're going to be more abundant, you're going to have great relationships. What's bad about it? Nothing. But now, consciously, that's what you think and feel, because that's the positive intention. But subconsciously what's happening is that the subconscious mind is like, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, perfect. So let's see, what do we have associated with change in the past?

Speaker 1:

Now the conundrum starts, because now the subconscious mind is digging up all these old negative memories perhaps, or traumas and emotions and sensations associated with times when you did change or when you did try to create some kind of change, whether it's a career change, friendship change, whatever change is change. Right now, when that memory starts to come up, what's happening? Your body is now flooded with the biochemical messages of these suppressed memories and your body is now reacting to it. Consciously. You might not make the connection and realize what is being triggered. The only thing that you're feeling is anxiety, stress, panic. Your legs feel a little bit wobbly, you feel like you want to hide. Maybe you feel like you want to hide, maybe you feel like you want to run away, maybe you just feel like freezing. A whole wave of new emotions can now start to come up because of that. So now, when we look at it from this perspective, I had to learn how to befriend change and to see and understand that when I change something, I can do it in a way that something I can do it in a way that is safe. I can do it in a way that makes me feel in control, because it's our fear of losing control that we don't like change, because maybe in the past you did lose control of something in one way or another and it triggered that feeling of feeling unsafe, because when the body feels out of control, of course it feels unsafe. Now, befriend change, learn and understand the power of change and how that can actually become your biggest and most positive ally on your healing journey.

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Now, another part that can cause to heal from your past really super hard is secondary gains. So, guys, I hope that you like this, because I'm sharing all these pitfalls with you with the intention for you to explore where is it that I need to shift my perspective, where is it that I maybe need to dig a little bit deeper or do some more research or start to unravel some places where I feel stuck Now? Secondary gain, of course, is the very big issue and problem that we all have. We've all been there, me including as well. Now, the best question that I ask myself is when there's something that I want to do and I find myself either procrastinating or reverting back to old habits. I always ask myself this one million dollar question are you guys ready? What am I life will change that I'm not ready to change if I shifted or healed this issue in my life right now? What am I life will change if I change or heal this issue in my life right now that I might not want to change? The answer to that that is going to become your biggest point of focus, because that is the block that you want to shift, because automatically your secondary gains will just fall apart.

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Now, another aspect that I found on my healing journey, when I try to heal from my past, was trying to fit in with false values and false beliefs. This was almost the absolute end of me. Now, why do we adapt to false values and beliefs, meaning we try to believe what other people believe in, we try to follow other people's footsteps, we try to always say yes, yes, yes, that's so right. I agree with everything that you're saying, the placater that is because we're trying to relate, we're trying to be and feel accepted, and because of that deep feeling of feeling unaccepted, a lot of people are willing to subconsciously sacrifice their values, their beliefs, their identity and what they stand for. What a disservice it is to yourself, but not just to yourself, but to your future, to who it is that you want to become. How can you become who you want to be or to create the success that you want, if you're not allowing your true values and beliefs to shine? Because that is what's long-term. I say that is what's long-term going to give you what you want, because if you follow someone else's values and beliefs.

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I'm sure that you've noticed it's really hard. It's hard to uphold something that you're not really truly in alignment with. You might admire it, it might make you feel good when you think about it, when you temporarily try to step into that, but have you noticed that it's hard to stay in that? Because if it was easy to be and to stay in that, then of course you would have achieved the success or the ideal outcome that it is that you wanted. Because what if you connect to the first place? There's an outcome or specific type of outcome at least, that you wanted, but you're not able to create or establish that because you can't stay in that state. And the reason why you can't? Because it's not natural. It's not natural, it's not you. You are meant to be you in this lifetime. That's why you exist. The world needs you to be who you really truly are, because that's part of your purpose. If you make yourself your purpose, that is when your purpose will start to serve you period.

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And I have absolutely seen that, because I noticed how I started to shift my focus and energy back to me and making me my purpose, how I started to shine even more in my finding my true values, my true beliefs. One, it is that I really wanted to contribute to the world and not try to do something, because I see how it contributed to someone else's life. By being a certain way, I found my own signature, I found my own style, and that is one of the most powerful places that you can be in your life, because you will not have one more day where someone can challenge your boundaries or invalidate you or make you feel less than what you really truly are, because if you found your true value, your true beliefs, and you live it and you breathe it, and it just becomes part of your lifestyle, because it just is now we're living a life that is graceful, that is more gentle, powerful and it's more conscious, meaning you're more connected to your relationships, to your people, to your career and to what it is that you want to do in your life as well. Because something else that correlates really strongly to this as well why people don't heal as well as they would like to is that their happiness is connected to what they do for other people. Now, that means that they need to constantly sacrifice or abandon or suppress something in them because it makes someone else happy if they behave and act in a certain way, and then they get the gratification from seeing someone else happy. But what that means now is that person is not always going to stay happy. So if they go back into their state of you know meaning, feeling discontent or unhappy, then actions have to be taken again where there's further and further disconnect from the sense of self through the place of self-sacrificing, whatever it is that you're sacrificing to make someone else happy. Because if you try to make someone else happy, then what does it mean? You are not your focus anymore. For me, the most powerful place was to make myself the focus in terms of what I'm doing, and then other people tremendously benefit from that, and that's where I dive into the benefits. Okay, you're benefiting from this Fantastic. Let's dive more into that. Because now I'm approaching it from a place where I am in my power and not from a place of self-sacrifice, because if you are in a place of self-sacrifice, you are literally deep, fragmenting your sense of self, you're defragmenting it. So it's time to come back to the self, it's time to come back to you. So that's one another aspect that I want to share with you in terms of why and how we tend to sabotage this so much.

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And one more point that I want to share here with you as well is our association with happiness. We want to be happy, we want to be happy. We want to share here with you as well is our association with happiness. We want to be happy, we want to be happy, we want to be happy. But if you experience trauma and moments when you were happy, there's a very strong possibility that you might have clicked in and associated happiness with a negative feeling. So now what happens is when we want to heal. Of course, we know that's what's going to make us happy, because we're free from something that's causing us to feel stuck or held back. But the more we think I want to be happy, I want to move toward happiness, the more it's going to hold you back, because subconsciously the mind's like okay, well, let's look at the times when you were happy, let's go dive into that supposed to be euphoric state. What happens? It feels the trauma or the distress or the disconnect or abandonment and isolation associated with the happiness. Great example here is, just for those of you who might be a bit like well, I'm not sure I'm following. So what that, for example, would look like is I remember I came home and I had, as a child, a very big fear of public speaking, like in the class.

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I don't know if you guys had to do it as well.

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This was back in the 80s, where you have to, once a week, speak for half an hour on a certain topic, and I hated this because speaking was just not safe, because I was attacked or punished or some kind of negative reaction would always come from my dad, because children had to be seen and not heard.

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And so I came home and I'm like, whoa, this was so great. You know, it was one speech that I absolutely nailed because I talked about something that I love. So I was so in my element in class and it actually went really well. And I came into the house and I'm like this mom, this, I did it and I'm like this is so really good. And my dad was at home that day and he was actually having a nap and so I woke him up and it was absolute. All hell to pay. Long story short, I'm not going to go into it because it was not a pretty outcome. And so that moment where I felt this euphoric joy of accomplishment, of success and just happiness going yeah and just bam, and that trauma connected with that happiness.

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So that happy moment when I felt like celebrating something, when I felt happy or I'm about to achieve something, I actually felt myself pulling back. This was a massive self-sabotaging cycle that I had actually felt myself pulling back. This was a massive self-sabotaging cycle that I had. I pulled back because, subconsciously, my little girl, my inner child, was like no, no, no, no, no, we can't do that. You're gonna get punished, you're gonna punch, you're gonna get beaten up. Don't do that.

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And so that feeling, that subconscious anxiety, the subconscious state of distress, stop me dead on my tracks. So my $1 million question to you right now is to think if you heal from your past, what outcome is it that you want? This is a very important question for later in our session together. When you heal from your past, what outcome is it that you want? For me, it was happiness. Now, when you have the answer to that, I want you to write it down, be with it. Or if you don't have the answer right now, that's okay. Think about it. We planted the seed in the subconscious mind. Now Just be with that, because at the end of the day, just coming back to our conversation.

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At the end of the day, we have such a misconception of what the past is, what it means, because, guys, there's a 99. Of the chance of the time but it's just not real anymore. It doesn't exist anymore. But the subconscious mind, as I said, can keep it alive because we have 90 000 thoughts at least, more or less, per day. Some say it's 70, some say it's 90, I don't know, it's a, it's a lot of thoughts, right. And then 75,000 thoughts, or at least 75 of those 90,000 thoughts, are repeated the next day. Now, of course, those repetitive thoughts will be the ones that's bothering you the most, meaning the dominant ones, and then they become part of the reality again and again, and again and again and again. So, cognitively, we rewire ourselves for these negative beliefs and thoughts, and that is why it's so important to start to shift even just perspective. That already disrupts the synapses, that layering them in with these negative messages, with these negative thoughts, with these negative messages, with these negative thoughts, and when we look at how this can cause us to feel that our past is still alive, because of the biochemical feeling, because of the biochemical reaction, because, at the end of the day, your past is not your reality anymore. Basically, what you're seeing right now in the here and now, this is the present moment. This is your reality, not in most cases, not what you're actually feeling.

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Whether it's turmoil, whether it's the anxiety, whether it's depression, stress or tension, these are all just triggers, like the ramifications, they're like echoes of something that happened a really, really long time ago. And now, something that was tremendously also very helpful for me when I was on my journey of overcoming my past and healing from that is the power of reassurance. The power of reassurance I cannot stress this enough, and when I say stress it enough, I mean it, of course, in a good way, because when we look at that moment, when we feel the panic, when we feel the stress, it's because something within you, your inner dialogue, whether it's conscious, subconscious, of course, in most cases this is happening very subtly, very subconsciously on the biochemical level in the body is that you start to escalate to levels of panic, to levels of stress, and by the time you start to realize that something is wrong is when you feel the full fledge feeling of that anxiety, that feeling of loss of control, whether it's vulnerability, insecurity, panic. You know, some days you just wake up and you just feel really, really vulnerable and just feel like, oh my God, where did all my confidence go? Maybe something happened the previous day that your subconscious mind was processing and it was trying to act it out and play it out in dreams that you might not even have remembered. And then you wake up in that state of feeling vulnerable, which is maybe the way that you felt at a certain point of time in your past. But again you wake up feeling that way. We don't necessarily always understand why we feel the way that we do, but we then accept it as part of our reality and we incorporate that into our life, subconsciously of course, and that now becomes part of your day. So we bring this past into all of our activities, our dynamics, our relationships and, of course, now it becomes as a part of our future.

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So the power of reassurance of self-reassurance as well tremendously powerful for me. I mean, I cannot speak highly enough of this. This is something that deeply, deeply contributed to my quality of life and it's something that's so easy to use, something that's so effective. And that is when you feel that moment of distress, when you feel that moment of panic. Look around you, look at your environment of panic. Look around you, look at your environment. Is there really truly something right now that is proving or validating any need for you to feel the way that you do? Is there? Something as simple as this has really helped me to kind of lose like, and it's a feeling of like this bah, I just feel like I just come back into my body. Now some of you who might go like that's bullshit, you know, that's just yeah, that doesn't work. Well, think again, because the reason why this might not resonate is because it's not challenging enough, there's not enough stress involved, it's boring, it doesn't challenge you enough. Well, now we need to look at, maybe, what is your association, what is your addictive pattern to adrenaline, to drama, to chaos, to a crisis, to stress. So all these aspects is really really super important to explore.

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And before we move on to our healing session, which we will in one minute, I would love for you to connect with me here, and what we're going to do now is we're going to assess and look a little bit. Where are you at in your life right now? I would love for you to just take a nice deep breath Just Now. My question to you is I would like for you to assess what is your reality right now. How much of your past is really truly real right now? Meaning now, right now, in the moment, here with me, in the present, and when you have the answer, I have another question for you what do you need to believe in yourself right now in order to believe in your true reality that you are experiencing right now? I'll repeat the question what do you need to believe in yourself right now in order to believe in your true reality that you are experiencing right now? What do you need to believe in you? An emotional resource, a capability, a talent, something? What do you need to believe in yourself right now in order to believe in your true reality that you are experiencing right now? And when I say true reality, I mean a reality that really actually is free from this past. And once you have the answer to that, I would like you to hold on to that, because we're actually going to now be shifting and moving over to my studio, so let's get ready Now.

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We have already answered the question of what do you need to believe in yourself in order to know that you can overcome this past, or that you can overcome, or any stress that it is that you might have Now, or even just a challenge. It doesn't have to be something big, it doesn't have to be something necessarily specific. Be something necessarily specific might just be a general feeling of just feeling anxious, or maybe depressed, or just feeling really, really down. It can be anything at this point. So what I would like for us to do right now is just to start by taking a nice deep breath. Let's just come into the body and, as you're breathing, I invite you becoming aware of your breath as you're inhaling and exhaling, and also just becoming aware of your heartbeat, that beautiful, powerful organ that is always just beating and pumping all that blood through your body, contributing every second and split second to your life, your purpose and your quality of life and your health and vitality. Feeling the power of your heartbeat and also I invite you now to hear, feel, see or sense a beautiful light or waterfall.

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Letting go of all the conversations that we had, the questions that I asked you, just let it go.

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Just going, going, going.

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Being fully focused and aware with me right now, in the here and now, fully present, hearing my voice, feeling the surface beneath your body and as you're feeling the surface beneath your body, allowing it just to bring you back and anchor you back into the present moment, where nothing else exists or is real anymore other than your heart beating, the breath that you're inhaling and exhaling and hearing my voice in the here and now and the surface that you feel beneath you, and allowing you to be now in this fully present state of beingness and just being present with that for a few seconds with me.

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And if you see me swaying from side to side, I normally do this when I'm happy. If I do this when I'm ever teaching or speaking, you know that I'm happy. I'm in a really great place and space. I find a lot of refuge, calmness and peace in this present state, because this present state reminds me that everything that I'm worrying about, whether it's something in the past or the future, is not real right now. What is real is where I shift my focus, is where I shift my energy, is where I shift my emotions, and I invite you now to hear, feel, see or sense that beautiful light, any color of your choice, flowing through your body, through every single cell in your body, releasing, releasing and releasing, and stress, tiredness and fatigue.

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And now while that light is flowing through, through you, allowing that light now to separate yours, your identity and other people's stress that you might have taken on feeling how it's just draining out of your body just down, down, down, down, down down into the earth.

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And now I also invite you to observe that question that I asked you earlier what do you need to believe in yourself in order to know that you can overcome certain challenges from your past past? Whatever the answer was to that question? Let's say, for example, you would say confidence or safety or protection or support. Whatever that answer was, where in your body do you feel the absence of that? Where do you feel an emptiness or a void or a hole or a weakness inside of your body?

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And once you have that place in space, allowing now your full awareness, I'd like for you to shift it now to your right hand, just to the palm of your right hand, just shifting it to there right now. Your full focus and awareness is there now and you might start to feel a tiny little, even if it's just 1%, a little bit of tingling, maybe some sensations, but you can't put your finger on what are these sensations. Your hand might start to feel like it's buzzing or just that, this movement, something is happening and now bringing up your left hand and allowing the full focus and awareness that you had in the right hand.

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You must now jump to the left hand, to the palm of your hand. Keep your right hand up up. You might start to feel something is happening. You, the power of your awareness.

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I didn't tell you anything about what awareness is, how it works, but you knew what to do with it. That's because we tapped into the natural capacity to heal, because the best way to heal is to replace in the power of awareness, because normally, energy becomes stuck in the body because of lack of awareness. We're so busy, something's always happening, always an autopilot mode, and this allows the flow and the energy to move again, to become unstuck and to return to that part in your body where you did feel that absence of a resource that we were talking about earlier. What did you need to believe in yourself in order to know that you can be free from all these challenges? All these challenges, and as we're tapping into that, going to that place where you might be feeling that void, I invite you now to bring your full focus and awareness to that, just the same way that you brought to the palm of your hand. Now we're bringing it to that area where you might be feeling the void or the absence of it, and just keeping that there, with that awareness and with that awareness, holding the intention for release and healing.

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Release and healing no-transcript, you might be not Meaning. What false identity do you feel, perhaps convinced of that you are or might be. Some people might say I feel like I'm a victim, I am powerless, I am something that's negative, just feeling into that. What could that perhaps be for? You.

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As you're in that place and space, whatever that negative identity is. I invite you now to out loud affirm with me and acknowledge the difference between my identity and feeling like a, or feeling the false identity. Let's affirm out loud right now the difference between that, because the moment when we speak it, we bring the disconnection of that false belief and neural pathway and the programming of that into our conscious and subconscious mind and also our emotional body. Again I acknowledge the difference between my true identity and feeling. I invite you to repeat that three times and now.

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I also invite you to just think of change, wanting to change, whatever it is that comes to mind that is negative. Maybe you think of change and you think of panic, or you think of change and now you feel out of control. Whatever, the negative initial response is to change, be with it. I invite you to actually be okay with how you feel in that moment, that part of us that's constantly trying to say no, no, no. We can't feel that. It's not okay to feel that I need to push this away. I need to push it down. That is actually what causes that part to become anchored into the conscious and subconscious mind and the emotional body as well, even more. But the more awareness we bring to it, the more light we bring to it and we actually allow it to dissipate and release to it, and we actually allow it to dissipate and release. So now I invite you once again, we're going to affirm this disconnection. In our affirmation, I acknowledge the difference between change and feeling the negative reaction that you felt.

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I want you to really cognitively understand and realize what you're saying, that you are acknowledging the difference between something that is so positive, such as change, and this all negative past emotional reaction that you have from the past.

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So I acknowledge the difference between change and three times I invite you now to see the old version of you, the part of you right now, in this moment, that is so much wiser and stronger with all this powerful knowledge and information that you are integrating, and seeing an older version of you, meaning that part of you before this event, because, yes, you are so much wiser and informed right now, believe it or not. Putting that old part of you on is just maybe a piece of cloud or something away from you, part of you, and it's just maybe a piece of cloud or something away from you. And hearing, feeling, seeing and sensing how that part of you is now just moving away, further and further and further and further away, away, away, away, becoming smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. And as that part of you is becoming smaller and smaller, the more and more you're starting to feel the absence of the pressure and the burden of that old identity and, in the absence of that, starting to feel lighter and lighter and lighter and lighter.

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Almost to a point where you feel like you are expanding, expanding into your greatness, expanding into that part of you that is conscious, that is aware, that is in the present moment, that part of you that is so much wiser and stronger and more informed. And now just feeling that part of you just moving even further and further away, becoming smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller, More and more and more insignificant, releasing just going, going, going, God, God, God God, Evaporating like water on a hot summer's day, Going going.

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God, and if there's any part of you that's like, oh, I don't know if I can let go, I'm going to call you on that now. Make that decision. Now. I choose to let go, and so it is. It is your divine birth right to express this boundary into the quantum field, to say enough is enough, I have had enough, I have had enough. And as you're integrating that awareness, that beautiful new state and phase of awareness, let's breathe into the alpha brainwave state which is in the mouth, out the nose, because we're breathing 13 times and midway through the breathing, I want to start the bowls. You're going to hold your breath at the end for as long as you can and you're going to drop into that beautiful place of silence as you start to come forward even more and more. So let's start Breathing in the mouth, out the nose.

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In the mouth out the nose in the mouth out the nose in the mouth out the nose. Nice deep breaths in the mouth out the nose in the mouth out, the nose in the mouth out, the nose in the mouth out the nose. Breathe on your own.

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So You're starting to pick up the pace, breathing in the mouth, out the nose in the mouth out the nose in the mouth, out the nose in the mouth, out the nose in the mouth and hold your breath. Hold it as long as you can, dropping into that dizziness, feeling how you're moving into that alpha brainwave state that is resetting your nervous system.

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Thank you, the power of the divine power is in the presence of the divine power, just taking one more nice, deep breath Now, just also bringing once again your awareness to the bottom of your face, to both feet, to the left and the right. No-transcript beautiful divinity that is within you, that who you are is not your past. Who you are is who you chose to be. Thank you so much for being here with me today and until next time, guys, be the light that you are.